Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Australia's Most Wanted

Why yes, this is my driver's license picture.
Closest I could come to a mug shot.
Did good, didn't I?
Stop laughing now. Stop.  If you don't stop I am not going to tell you why I am going to jail.

Are you done?  Good.

I blame Mynx.  Mynx of the "We don't have graham crackers or Altoids in Australia" fame.

Sigh.  No, really I don't blame Mynx - she is too sweet and I wanted to send along some goodies to her in Australia because she is such a good friend and so entertaining in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.  She makes me laugh and keeps my mind focused on the fun!

Now to tell this story Mynx needs to stop reading now - and you guys aren't allowed to tell her.  So Mynxie you go away - I don't want to spoil your surprise.

During our early morning chats [my time] we talk about all manner of things and I discovered that Australians don't have graham crackers.  They may have something similar but it seems they don't have the golden goodness that is Nabisco which we have in the states.   They also [by virtue of not having graham crackers] don't have those neat-o ready made pie graham cracker crusts that we use for Key Lime Pie or Strawberry pie here in Skippyland.

So, in my oh' so infinite wisdom I thought what fun it would be to pack a box of some crackers, some crusts and the makings for a key lime pie. I put in the crusts, a bottle of lime juice and two cans of sweetened condensed milk.  All that Mynx has to do is add eggs and viola' she has a pie.

Little did I know.

Australia is a hard country to send to.  I read the restrictions and after my eyes started to bleed, I gave up and just packed the box.  Carefully.  Nothing is going to leak or break - but....

I gave the box to Pooldad to mail at our US Post Office.  He didn't see me pack the box but I tried to explain what was in it and that he had to declare EVERYTHING so the Post Office would know.

Do you want to know what my lovely husband put on the declaration slip?

The following:
  • Graham crackers
  • Mint candy
  • Recipe cards*
  • Tissue paper [there is one piece of this. I used bubble wrap and newspaper. argh]*
Okey dokey.  The box weighs SEVEN pounds. SEVEN pounds!

Yeah. I know.  Those recipe cards and [one piece of] tissue paper are hefty little b*tches.  

Then I went back and re- read the things you are not allowed to send to Australia and seems I missed this little tidbit:

"Any product containing more then 10%  milk."

Any guesses on what two cans of sweetened condensed milk contain?  Eek!

It gets better tho'.  I had also included something for Mynx's American bob cat living in Australia and as I read further it said:

"Any pet food product...blah, blah,blah."  And just about then my head exploded.

I am in trouble.  They are serious about this stuff - and if you lie on a manifest you face jail time and a fine. 

Since the box is so weighty and the declaration clearly states light weight stuff this package is in for a thorough search.

Here's hoping the Australian postal inspectors think that graham crackers and mint candies are REALLY heavy. [::please don't x-ray it , please don't x-ray it::]

Otherwise I am hitting you guys up for bail money.  [Hey, you offered. giggle.]

I think I should stick to sending microwaves to Kansas. :D

*I never said to declare these two things - he just saw me put them in.  


Southhamsdarling said...

I wasn't laughing, you look beautiful in that mugshot photo (better than Hugh Grant anyway!!). Eeeek! Will the parcel get to Minx or will it NOT get to Minx?! Well, it's too late to worry about it now! LOL! Don't worry, we'll dash from all over the globe to come and visit you in jail!! Mind you, we're laughing now, but ............

Yum Yucky said...

Yeah. you are totally screwed. Customs is gonna come looking for you. But maybes if you bake something using grahammy crust and feed it to them, they might forgive this criminal negligence of yours and move onto more weighty matters... like boxes that weight 10 pounds.

BB said...

Geez, good thing you didn't send alcohol over state lines!!! hahahaha. great story. I know how to get you out! Don't worry!

Phelan said...

Wait. . . what? Am I getting a microwave? Cool then I will spring for your bail. Thanks in advance. ;)

Jeannie said...

I'm thinking you are likely ok. All the products are processed and sealed. FDA approved which should carry some form of credence. It's not like you made the pie and sent it.

I think your photo is not so bad at all! You have amazing eyes.

The worst they'll do is confiscate it and make the pie themselves. Maybe you'll get a thank you.

hed said...

It seemed like every single food I craved when I was in Australia just plain wasn't available. Cheez-it's! Triscuits! Wheat Thins! Clam chowder! The list goes on and on...

I would hope that they would see what you were sending (materials for a pie) and not think you were a terrorist or anything. Maybe they would just toss the contraband? I hope Mynx gets to taste the awesome that is a graham cracker though!


OmaLindasOldeBaggsandStuftShirts said...

oh that's it. You terrible breaker of who the hell would know anyway rules. I think the worst that would happen to you is that they would send the package back and make you pay the return cost. OHhhhhhhh you wild woman you. TOB

Kathy's Klothesline said...

They won't put you in jail ..... will they? They will just confiscate the contraband and I predict some good pie eating among the postal inspectors in Austrailia. You have a good heart, Skippy!

not displayed said...

I am not allowed to read so i cant leave a comment. :P

Anonymous said...

I agree, you look good in the picture even though you aren't allowed to smile in those picture. Your eyes are beautiful. First thing I noticed - they popped. Thanks for your comment the other day about the scale. It must be a pain to have to weigh every day - with no choice. But you have to keep Skippy healthy :)

that guy said...


you were gonna captain the boat to mynx-yland...

i am glad my sis can bust you out!

i guess we have to travel incognito..

Rebecca said...

i promise i didn't laugh ok maybe just a giggle this was a really cute story and yes if you are arrested i will come bail you out

ellen abbott said...

I think you're safe.

Rudee said...

Key lime pie should be worth jail time. I hope it all gets through, though it's their customs you need to worry about, and hey, I don't think they'll travel so far to pick you up.

You look cute on your license. How did you manage to get such a good picture? Mine always looks like a criminal booking photo.

Teresa said...

LOL - and the microwave is still happily working in Kansas!

if they open the box, they'll just fix some pie with it. burp, belch, burp... yep... contraband... gotta {belch} confiscate it.

Southhamsdarling said...

Just a little P.S. - yes, it was your eyes that I noticed in the photo. They're lovely!

Lyndylou said...

I really like that mugshot! Will we be able to send you food parcels in jail, just asking cos you know, they might make an exception for that! lol

Anonymous said...

We have a documentary tv show over here that follows customs officers in their daily duties and looks at the different stuff that people try and get through. I'm going to start watching now, just to see if they film the x-ray of two cans of condensed milk and graham crackers *bwhahaha*.

We may not have graham crackers, but we have tim-tams and cherry ripes, and this is something that has made other American friends of mine very sad!!!!