Monday, September 6, 2010

What Did You Dream of When You Were A Little Girl?

Probably not this little masterpiece hanging on your wall.
[stock photo]
There you have it tadpoles.  
In all it's GLORY. [natch] 
Please keep in mind that it is actually 4 foot by 3 foot. 
This sucker is BIG.

So let me ask you - when you were young and dreamed of marriage and kids and the proverbial white picket fence did your visions of home decoration include a scalping [or two]?  Perhaps you pictured a whale of a wall hanging illustrating one of one the saddest moments in the United State's Government's attempts to annihilate the Native people of North America?  Or maybe you just needed a reproduction of a lithograph sponsored by the largest beer maker in the free world to adorn your wall to make your house feel like a home?

Well, I have to ask.  Why ever not?

Because I am here to tell you that you have missed the opportunity to bring the warm fuzzies to your decorating scheme.  Honestly.  Nothing says "Welcome To Our Home" like a depiction of a famous American battle that is complete with blood, death, dying and [the aforementioned] scalpings. 

Am I right?


When my lovely [re thinking THAT word right now  ::kidding, kidding - love you Momma!::] In Laws decided to move they asked us what we would like from their fifty five years of accumulated treasures.  I asked for anything kitchen related and the Depression glass that my Mother in law had offered me.  Wallene was gifted with a wrought iron bed and a roll top desk for her birthday.  But......?

Pooldad asked for the antique scale that had been in the family for almost a hundred years.  It has been no secret that he loves it and has always coveted it since he has great memories of the grocery the family had once owned.  So that was basically a no brainer - childhood memories and all.  If I was Martha Stewart I would be salivating over the thing - it is THAT cool - except - it weighs about 500 lbs and I have no where to put it.  Do they even make furniture strong enough to support this thing anymore?  

Still? I love him, so in it comes.  But....?

He threw me a curve ball when he asked his folks for this dang picture.  This monstrosity has also been in the family for years [70 years?] because it hung in the same grocery where the scale was.  It was some sort of promotion by Anheuser Busch for their distributors of which his great grandparents and grand parents were.

What in the world am I going to do with this thing?  I never honestly had a close up view of it as it hung above their couch in the family room, but upon inspection it is a pretty scary depiction [And no, I do not care how famous it is.  I know it is but it is gross.]  I don't want to look up at some guys skull being shorn while I am placing the turkey on our Thanksgiving table. [Um, dichotomy?  Have fun.]  And after my MIL suggested we hang it over our bed I imagined the nightmares I would have upon knowing it was up there. eek!


It is definitely not going in my kitchen. Ick.  And the family room is already a trainwreck of blue for his Dallas Cowboys footall fandom.  [Meanwhile - we live in Washington Redskin's territory - so basically the juxtaposition would not be lost on me.  I am not going there. Tyvm.]

I won't subject the kids to it and I am running out of hallways - so anyone want to guess where the final place I have left to display this priceless ::cough:: beauty? 

My Master Bathroom - right over the soaking tub.

Really gets you in the mood for candle light and rose petals doesn't it? 


Teresa said...

I posted a comment - really I did... bet I forgot to do the word vert...

anyway, my suggestion is the garage - right over the scales.

OmaLindasOldeBaggsandStuftShirts said...

Do ya'll have an attic maybe....or a lovely corner of the basement goes, go to the fabric store, buy something lovely that does go with the bathroom decor and cover the picture frame and all and there ya go. It's up but saved for to whichever one of your children that ticks you off gets it in the will. I'm just saying........sorry Pooldad.

ellen abbott said...

I think I'd have to hang it in the garage.

Sally said...

I'd make my husband hang it in the garage :-) My husband has plenty of space allowed in the office to hang his car prints and such... anything else goes in the garage.