I Lost the Bet, But Won the War [For Now]

I made a bet with Pooldad on Monday evening that his co-worker would be late for work on Tuesday after the Labor Day Holiday.  Since she is notorious for this type of thing and had taken off a half a day Friday [against company policy] I figured it was a safe bet.  Right?  [And yes, I am talking about Bee.  We all know and love her, eh?]

The bet was that if she was to come in late I would win a 5 minute back rub from Pooldad.  If she was on time I agreed to wash two loads of laundry.  I was giddy just thinking about the rub down I had coming my way last night.

Alas, she proved me proved me wrong!  She was 10 minutes early.

As shocking as that turned out to be [and it IS] she did me two favors:

Most importantly she actually showed up, on time, to take care of her job.  This, in turn, relieves my husband of her responsibilities.  THAT is always bonus.  He doesn't need to be doing two jobs.  I thank her.

Just a wee bit better tho'?  I discovered that I can do laundry and not drop dead.  BONUS!  I was determined to pay off this bet for Pooldad because he made the bet in absolute good faith. He really thought  she was going to be late.  Her attendance record for the last three years made my odds 40-1.  No kidding.  Still - he also gave me the benefit of the doubt that if she magically appeared on time that I probably couldn't do the laundry and he would've forgiven me my losing ticket - after all it is three flights of stairs to our laundry room and dirty clothes aren't exactly light.

BUT?  WEEHAA!  I am grinning from ear to ear because I DID IT.   I DID IT.  This may sound really stupid to a lot of you but maybe you don't know.  This is a victory all the way around because I finally got to do something for my husband that he has been doing for me for as long as I can remember due to my illnesses.  Call it remission, say I had a good day, wind me up and spin me around?  I don't care.

I did laundry today.  I walked those stairs and carried those baskets like a champ.

Bee?  Thanks a lot for surprising me.  In more ways then one.

My Dogs Are in Cahoots

Scooby is laughing at me.
Spot says "I din't do nuffins."

Lil' gooberheads.

I walked with Wallene up to her bus stop today and left the pups here.  I thought nothing of it since I would only be gone for 10 minutes.  What possibly could happen?

[Obviously!!!] I need to ask myself that question more often .  And?  I really need to answer myself.  Jeesh.

My dogs are barkers.  They bark at air, wind, rain and anything that approaches our front door.  Including us.    Always us.  It is ridiculous.

So when I came up the front steps I noticed a lack of their usual exuberant  "OMG there is someone here! Bark, bark, barkity, bark, bark."  Then I thought "Oh sh*t they are into something."  I opened the front door to find neither dog there to greet me. [Double sh*t] When I came up the foyer steps I heard a faint "woof" and as I rounded the corner into the living room Spot was just sitting there, looking all innocent, as her big brother escaped casually made his way down the stairs to our family room.

Yeah, right gang.  Okaaaaaaay - Scooby never ever leaves my side unless he has done something he knows is bad - so leaving the room with nary a glance back told me that something was going to wreck my morning in about oh....about....6.32 seconds.  

Turns out Spot is the look out for Scooby while he raids the garbage can.  He is tall enough to stick his head in it and he basically throws down morsels for her while she keeps an eye out for me to return. This explains the quiet woof I heard.  It is to warn him. [Like I so wouldn't have heard that Eva Braun.] 

BAH.  Silly dogs.

Still - I had the last laugh because there was nothing good in the garbage anyway [thank goodness].  So HA on you Mutt and Jeff!  Plus they missed the plate of banana nut muffins cooling on the rack on the counter.

It was a quick sweep up and afterwards I put on a crock pot full of soup. Now I guess I will make cookies.

Hey - it beats the heck out of cleaning toilets.  :D

What Did You Dream of When You Were A Little Girl?

Probably not this little masterpiece hanging on your wall.
[stock photo]

There you have it tadpoles.  

In all it's GLORY. [natch] 

Please keep in mind that it is actually 4 foot by 3 foot. 

This sucker is BIG.

So let me ask you - when you were young and dreamed of marriage and kids and the proverbial white picket fence did your visions of home decoration include a scalping [or two]?  Perhaps you pictured a whale of a wall hanging illustrating one of one the saddest moments in the United State's Government's attempts to annihilate the Native people of North America?  Or maybe you just needed a reproduction of a lithograph sponsored by the largest beer maker in the free world to adorn your wall to make your house feel like a home?

No?

  

Well, I have to ask.  Why ever not?

Because I am here to tell you that you have missed the opportunity to bring the warm fuzzies to your decorating scheme.  Honestly.  Nothing says "Welcome To Our Home" like a depiction of a famous American battle that is complete with blood, death, dying and [the aforementioned] scalpings. 

Am I right?

BAH!

When my lovely [re thinking THAT word right now  ::kidding, kidding - love you Momma!::] In Laws decided to move they asked us what we would like from their fifty five years of accumulated treasures.  I asked for anything kitchen related and the Depression glass that my Mother in law had offered me.  Wallene was gifted with a wrought iron bed and a roll top desk for her birthday.  But......?

Pooldad asked for the antique scale that had been in the family for almost a hundred years.  It has been no secret that he loves it and has always coveted it since he has great memories of the grocery the family had once owned.  So that was basically a no brainer - childhood memories and all.  If I was Martha Stewart I would be salivating over the thing - it is THAT cool - except - it weighs about 500 lbs and I have no where to put it.  Do they even make furniture strong enough to support this thing anymore?  

Still? I love him, so in it comes.  But....?

He threw me a curve ball when he asked his folks for this dang picture.  This monstrosity has also been in the family for years [70 years?] because it hung in the same grocery where the scale was.  It was some sort of promotion by Anheuser Busch for their distributors of which his great grandparents and grand parents were.

What in the world am I going to do with this thing?  I never honestly had a close up view of it as it hung above their couch in the family room, but upon inspection it is a pretty scary depiction [And no, I do not care how famous it is.  I know it is but it is gross.]  I don't want to look up at some guys skull being shorn while I am placing the turkey on our Thanksgiving table. [Um, dichotomy?  Have fun.]  And after my MIL suggested we hang it over our bed I imagined the nightmares I would have upon knowing it was up there. eek!

Seriously?

It is definitely not going in my kitchen. Ick.  And the family room is already a trainwreck of blue for his Dallas Cowboys footall fandom.  [Meanwhile - we live in Washington Redskin's territory - so basically the juxtaposition would not be lost on me.  I am not going there. Tyvm.]

I won't subject the kids to it and I am running out of hallways - so anyone want to guess where the final place I have left to display this priceless ::cough:: beauty? 

My Master Bathroom - right over the soaking tub.

Really gets you in the mood for candle light and rose petals doesn't it? 

If You Guessed That Turquoise is Her Favorite Color

You would be correct!  

This incredibly wonderful hue is followed closely by it's color chart friend - lime green. 

[Aside:  Who actually decided this was a good idea - turquoise and lime green?  It is like watching an eclipse without the benefit of eye protection.  IT HURTS YOUR EYES.]

They are probably the reason I never go into her room, but the swinging color combo'd beads hanging from her doorway reminds me daily of the explosion that awaits inside.

When I told her she is a "child of the seventies" I had to explain "No that does mean you are the child of parents who grew up in the seventies, although true, it means you just wish you could go back."  

See for yourself:

Mulit hued hightops complete this lovely ensemble.

You know I love her.  heehee.

Then last night we saw this:

A mystery friend came and wrote Wallene a message.

How neat is that? YAY!!! 

[Click on the pics to be amazed at my mad Paint skills. HA!  I think Scooby is going to stop posing for pictures if I don't figure out how to stop making him look like Sirius Black - as the agamorfed dog - in "The Prisoner of Azkaban."]

Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday weekend.  I am still trying to off load creepy dolls and figure out where to put all the rest of the stuff that has come my way from the ILs.

Any bidders on a 4'x3' shellacked, framed painting entitled "Custer's Last Fight" ?  It's sponsored by Anhueser Busch.   [I really wish I were kidding.]  

C'mon. You guys know you want it. :D

13 Years Feels Like 13 Days - Now Break Out the Cupcakes!!

Told ya' she was a natural red head.

This is my baby.  

My pride and joy.  

My confidant. 

My miniature partner in crime.

  

The kid whose ankles I have so firmly in my grasp she is NEVER leaving home. EVER.   Trust me.

Boy-o I love this child.

I can't believe she is 13 years old today.

[ And yes. It is actually a requirement of Mommy bloggers everywhere to state this every time one of our progeny hits a milestone birthday.  Look it up:  Page #12, paragraph 4, number 63 in the Code Book.]

Y'all are well acquainted with the antics our youngest - and your cards and gifts this week have filled her days with joy.  I truly appreciate all the kind thoughts in making my baby girl feel special.

Because that is exactly what Wallene is - a very special little girl.  And she is all mine.

Lucky - ain't I?   

~ ~ ~ [The following is posted by a decidedly not a Mommy blogger.]

She was quite literally our surprise. She is the greatest gift Skippy ever gave me. She came into this world two  weeks early.  I suppose she didn't want to miss out on all the fun. 

She is full of mischief and curiosity.

She has her Mother's heart of gold and her (ahem) penchant for getting into trouble was no doubt inherited from me. As her father, I wonder every day how much more I could do for her. It's funny but every day she still makes me feel like uber-dad. 

Yesterday? I fed her a bottle. Today? She turned into a teenager. Tomorrow? She will change the world. 

Wow.

She is my Porcupine and I could not imagine life without her.

Thank  you Skippy. 

Happy Birthday Wallene.

Love, Dad 

Who Knew?

Well THAT was interesting.

I didn't realize so many people read my blog - but if the commentators who de lurked themselves on my bank post [since retracted] are any indication - then um, wow.

I just wish that people that felt the need to call me names and make really bad analogies [lesbians? my husband? sex? HUH?] would read a bit more of my blog before doing so because?  They obviously don't know me very well if they thought those types of things warranted saying.

I don't think I worded that post well and I take responsibility for it - but it was too late to fix it and you guys know that I hardly ever respond in comments. I certainly don't want to start a war, especially a holy one. Hence why I removed it.

Thanks for the overwhelming support from my tadpoles.  And for making me laugh.  Always for making me laugh. heehee

I actually learned something tho' - did any of you know that pointsettias are, in fact, THE symbol representing the birth of baby Jesus.  Yep.  Completely Christian. [NOT] Hey - I just thought it would look nice with the Christmas tree the bank employees had put in the lobby.  Oops.  My bad.

Well I am off to make more of my famous Jesus, Mary and Joseph cookies.  Then I think I will go to the mall and find an unsuspecting retail clerk who I can insult with my obvious attempt to try and convert them.  ::headdesk::

Sarcasm:  It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Wallene You Are Quite the Dichotomy

My youngest daughter never ceases to amaze me.  Just when I think I have the kid figured out she goes and says or does something that has me standing here scratching my head.

Today was yet another perfect example of this. [Warning:  This post is chock full o' sarcasm.]

We have been filling our house up with the castoffs of my beloved In Laws 55 year marriage as they attempt to downsize their home before they move.  We have received some pretty neat stuff [Depression glass anyone? YAY] and some things that I would never have bought for our home but are fun to have.  Well, at least I thought so.

Four of these things are animated Christmas figures**.  Two Santas [one even talks - heehee], one Mrs. Claus and an Angel.  I am definitely in the lead for having the most tastefully decorated home in our neighborhood this year, aren't I?

[Your jealously?  It's palpable.  I can feeeeeel it.]

Anyway, I let Wallene pull them out of their boxes and plug them in to make sure they all worked.  Lucky us. They do!  But I don't think my lovely daughter was feeling it because she came to me with the Mrs. Claus doll and asked if we could put them outside when December rolled around.

I replied:  "No.  They are inside decorations honey. They would get ruined by the weather."

She frowned a bit and said:  "But Mom they really need to go outside.  They're creepy."

Huh?  Okay.  I admit they are a little on the Chucky side of things with their movement and twinkling eyes, but  c'mon - they are Christmas decorations tadpoles.  The conversation continued:

Me:  "What do you mean creepy?  Wallene you like horror movies and scary flicks. [I am expecting my Mother of the Year Award any day now. Thanks.]  What is so creepy about those dolls?"

Wallene:  "Mom that stuff is different.  It isn't real."

Me:  "Neither are those dolls."

Wallene:  "Mom - you know what I mean. [um? No I don't.] They are in our house and they move."

Me:  "It's not like they are going to break free Wallene and come up the stairs or something."

Pooldad:  [under his breath] "Nice going Skippy."

Me to Pooldad:  "Hush up."  Turning to Wallene I pointed out her opposing views of scary things.

Me:  "Wallene Jaws is your favorite movie but you don't like to watch Jaws II because you don't think there is enough blood in that one [her exact words] - and now you are creeped out by a couple of 18 inch dolls that will be tethered to our living room walls via cords and light sockets come Christmas time?"

Wallene:  "Pretty much."

Well - there go my decorating plans this year.  If you need me I will be over on Ebay.

**[ETA:  Pooldad just read my blog and said "What?  You mean the "Wes Craven collection?" when referring to our gang of dolls.  This is why I married him.  I know.]