That Just Blew All My Excuses for Being Screechingly Hormonal These Past Few Months

This is probably a totally inappropriate thing to discuss on my blog.  But we all know my motto:  "My blog. My rules."  Let's just say if you are a tadpole of the male persuasion or one of my lady readers that dislikes any sort of girlie talk you may just want to walk on by today.  I'll be back with food, kids, college - the mundane - tomorrow.  Thanks.

Today's topic:  Menopause or the lack thereof

In my family the women tend to go through menopause early - sometime during their late thirties, early forties.  Being the youngest of all the grown women in our clan I wasn't too concerned when my cycle started to dwindle and finally stopped about seven months ago.  [Aren't you glad you are reading this?  I'm just a sharer. :)  What can I say?]

I thought I was experiencing the requisite hot and cold flashes and my family can attest to the fact that I wasn't exactly the easiest person to be around some days - my moods swung quicker than a pendulum on a clock.  I was up, I was down.  I was moody, giddy, depressed, weepy, happy and all this would take place before I even got the kids out the door to school.  Seriously.  Y'know, come to think of it - it probably explains the girls' profound interest in after school activities. Hmm.

To say the least - I was a mess, but we chalked it up to the 'ol menopause.  It would eventually end and I would be better balanced, right?

You would've thought.

Seems it wasn't menopause - it was a by product of how ill I had become and my body just decided that it would be a better idea to skip the whole 28 day cycle kind of thing and spare me the trouble.  At that point I needed all the iron rich cells I could get - I just didn't know it.

As an aside I should mention that even if we wanted to [and we don't] I am not allowed to have anymore children.  I was pretty darn sick with Wallene and it was pounded home that another pregnancy would have dire consequences on my health.  It helps that Pooldad is so freaking old that he didn't really relish the idea of being 70 at another child's high school graduation.  I should also add that if I was in the same room with either of my husbands a mere look could get me pregnant.  No kidding.  I was that fertile.

All that noted - What do you think is the best thing about having menopause?  Think about it.  Yes, that's right.  You don't have to worry about birth control.  YAY!  Spur of the moment takes on a whole new meaning when you don't have to fumble around in the dark, eh?  [still sharing here - bear with me.]

Now that my health has been somewhat renewed it was nice to go back to the thing we like to do the best, for free, - nudge, nudge, wink - with no fear of getting pregnant. Menopause was rocking my world up to that point.

Until I discovered that I actually didn't go through menopause or even perio menopause [whatever the heck that is] but that my body had simply shut down any and all female type activity for about seven months.

Imagine my shock when I realized that we have actually been tempting the fates oh'lo' these past few weeks.  When I finally overcame my surprise I called Pooldad at work to let him in on the good[?] news.

He said:  "You have got to be [expletive] kidding me."

She said:   "Those were the first words out of my mouth."

He said:  "So we totally missed the bullet on this one, eh Skip?"

She said:  "Totally."

He said:  "Does this mean we have to go through this again?"

She said:  "Probably. Wait. What?  Was I that bad?"

He said:  "Can you hold out until Wallene graduates?  Otherwise I think she may run away from home."

She said:  "Shut up."

He said:  "I'll be leaving with her."

She said:  "You're not funny."

He said:  "I am kidding honey.  I love you."

She said:  "You can sleep on the couch."

He said: "Has it started up again already? Wow.  That was quick."

She said:  "Now I am putting the couch in the backyard."

He said:  "Be nice."

She said:  "I am.  I am putting it under the overhang.  You won't get too wet."

He said:  "Well it was good while it lasted."

She said:  "I know, right?"