Wednesday, August 18, 2010

That Just Blew All My Excuses for Being Screechingly Hormonal These Past Few Months

This is probably a totally inappropriate thing to discuss on my blog.  But we all know my motto:  "My blog. My rules."  Let's just say if you are a tadpole of the male persuasion or one of my lady readers that dislikes any sort of girlie talk you may just want to walk on by today.  I'll be back with food, kids, college - the mundane - tomorrow.  Thanks.

Today's topic:  Menopause or the lack thereof

In my family the women tend to go through menopause early - sometime during their late thirties, early forties.  Being the youngest of all the grown women in our clan I wasn't too concerned when my cycle started to dwindle and finally stopped about seven months ago.  [Aren't you glad you are reading this?  I'm just a sharer. :)  What can I say?]

I thought I was experiencing the requisite hot and cold flashes and my family can attest to the fact that I wasn't exactly the easiest person to be around some days - my moods swung quicker than a pendulum on a clock.  I was up, I was down.  I was moody, giddy, depressed, weepy, happy and all this would take place before I even got the kids out the door to school.  Seriously.  Y'know, come to think of it - it probably explains the girls' profound interest in after school activities. Hmm.

To say the least - I was a mess, but we chalked it up to the 'ol menopause.  It would eventually end and I would be better balanced, right?

You would've thought.

Seems it wasn't menopause - it was a by product of how ill I had become and my body just decided that it would be a better idea to skip the whole 28 day cycle kind of thing and spare me the trouble.  At that point I needed all the iron rich cells I could get - I just didn't know it.

As an aside I should mention that even if we wanted to [and we don't] I am not allowed to have anymore children.  I was pretty darn sick with Wallene and it was pounded home that another pregnancy would have dire consequences on my health.  It helps that Pooldad is so freaking old that he didn't really relish the idea of being 70 at another child's high school graduation.  I should also add that if I was in the same room with either of my husbands a mere look could get me pregnant.  No kidding.  I was that fertile.

All that noted - What do you think is the best thing about having menopause?  Think about it.  Yes, that's right.  You don't have to worry about birth control.  YAY!  Spur of the moment takes on a whole new meaning when you don't have to fumble around in the dark, eh?  [still sharing here - bear with me.]

Now that my health has been somewhat renewed it was nice to go back to the thing we like to do the best, for free, - nudge, nudge, wink - with no fear of getting pregnant. Menopause was rocking my world up to that point.

Until I discovered that I actually didn't go through menopause or even perio menopause [whatever the heck that is] but that my body had simply shut down any and all female type activity for about seven months.

Imagine my shock when I realized that we have actually been tempting the fates oh'lo' these past few weeks.  When I finally overcame my surprise I called Pooldad at work to let him in on the good[?] news.

He said:  "You have got to be [expletive] kidding me."

She said:   "Those were the first words out of my mouth."

He said:  "So we totally missed the bullet on this one, eh Skip?"

She said:  "Totally."

He said:  "Does this mean we have to go through this again?"

She said:  "Probably. Wait. What?  Was I that bad?"

He said:  "Can you hold out until Wallene graduates?  Otherwise I think she may run away from home."

She said:  "Shut up."

He said:  "I'll be leaving with her."

She said:  "You're not funny."

He said:  "I am kidding honey.  I love you."

She said:  "You can sleep on the couch."

He said: "Has it started up again already? Wow.  That was quick."

She said:  "Now I am putting the couch in the backyard."

He said:  "Be nice."

She said:  "I am.  I am putting it under the overhang.  You won't get too wet."

He said:  "Well it was good while it lasted."

She said:  "I know, right?"



10 comments:

Rudee said...

My visitor came and went at will for about 2 years. At that point, she packed her bags and left for good. It'll be two years in December since we've seen her around here.

Jeannie said...

I pretty much dried up when I was 27. Doctors didn't really care and didn't try to find a reason. They said it was too early for menopause but....so then fast forward 10 years, my baby girl is 11 and starts getting her period and lo and voila! don't I get mine back! And it has been regular ever since - at least until this month it seems to be late. So maybe now I'm losing it for good. I'm 51.

ellen abbott said...

I was regular until I stopped just like that (snap of fingers) at 43. About 9 months later I had another one at 44 (I'm 60 now). Period or, rather, the end of the period. My mother, sister and maternal aunt all had hysterectomies so I had no idea if this was normal and natural for me. even so, I did not miss it. I didn't care for the years of hot flashes or the total flip of my internal thermometer but I definitely like not being at the mercy of estrogen.

Amy said...

So much to look forward to...

I hope you and Pooldaddy (he can't be just called Pooldad when hot sex is involved) had fun while it lasted.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

well - since i had my real estate totally removed by the age of 33, i can't say what's normal and what's not for my family. i do recall hearing that my mother thought she might be pregnant at the same time my older sister was pregnant, and that was 32 years ago (she'll be 80 this month) so that would have been frightening for her and my dad. she was glad to find out she had passed on to the menopausal world.

i've been on low dose estrogen for the past 10 years (higher dose before that) because my body just cannot take the uncontrollable temperature changes.

don't know when i'll actually be willing to give that up. there's pros and cons, i guess, to both sides.

Linda in New Mexico said...

Don't ya hate a spoiler. Well start the que right here girls. At 44, I tapered off and then by 46 nada, nothing, zip, zilch...then what I thought was the insanity began. Literally, I thought I was insane, no just peri menapausal, then menapausal, according to the DR's which you know I hate. Well.....I'm over 60 and I have a 30 something woman and an 10 yr old pre pubescent girl in the house and I have periods again. I know huh? It's that hormonal thing....shit. Well I had 14 good years of no visitor...and does this mean that the insanity was like false labor and I am gonna have heat and crying and stupidity and insanity again....oh wait...that's a daily process.
vert word: gentr...I need to learn to gentr instead of so harserer.

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

I am told that you have to go an entire 12 months without a "visit from your friend" before you can safely do it worry-free. I've gone 10 months and then - CRAP! - had to start counting all over again.

Khadra said...

I have the same sort of fertility. We had the husband snipped...or more like mutilated. He was one of the small percentage that went for the big V, and then had to go back for actual surgery because it couldnt be done in office. Anyway, period, no period, uterus or not, I think Im safe. But in the past we got pregnant at the first possibility every time.

TinaM said...

:) Thanks for Sharing SkippyMom :)

I have had a lot of problems with my periods ever since I started having them at 12. (I had a 45 day one early this year, and Nothing last month). I have a feeling menopause will be hell...
I have no idea when to expect it. Mom hasn't gone through it yet and she's 49. Her Mom had a hysterectomy in her 20s...

I think Forest Gump's Mom said "menopause is like a box of chocolates, ya never know what you're gonna get."
...or something like that ;)

Yum Yucky said...

I desire to be young and menopaused. And I totally mis-read that as you (Skippymom) "can't have anymore chicken", not children. LOL!