Noonish? Who Said Noon?

Yeah, I know - I am a notorious time management blogger. I SAID I would be back around 12 pm today..but, uh...

Life got in the way.

That, and I have so much to tell everyone I don't even know where to begin.  I couldn't decide on what to post about first.

Then IT happened.

And I didn't have to decide, because I don't even know quite how to explain it.....

But you know I am going to try, so here goes.

The crux of this post is I think I had the beginning of a nervous breakdown today.  I don't throw the words "nervous breakdown" around easily.  I have never had one, but I have seen panic attacks before and I know what to do for the person having one.  I have actually seen a, no two actually, nervous breakdowns, and the person was hospitalized.  This was a damn near nervous breakdown.

And what finally triggered it is going to make you shake your head. I can't even describe it.

Since some of you aren't on FB, let me just say that this week was kind of LONG.  Those that are on FB know what I am talking about....and I AM going to write that post later this week, because I am still angry at big Pharma, but I didn't realize how much it affected me.

Here's the long story short of what set me off:

And don't kid yourself - no story is short. hee

I went out to put a sticker - a little bitty sticker - on the back windshield of Ozcarz.  I am not a believer in bumper stickers or window stickers, especially on MY pretty car, BUT this sticker is special.

And I had actually put two other stickers on his window after I bought him because they represented my daughters.  JMU Marching Royal Dukes and The Dominion Titans Marching Bands.

I just realized after proofing this [pick yourself up Fitz] is that a lot of you aren't on FB and don't know that Ozcarz was rearended by a full size SUV on New Year's Day.  Evelyn was driving, Dad was in the passenger seat and Emily was in the back seat.  Everyone is fine.  Okay, that's another blog post too - but it took out the entire back of my car, if you could see it you would know it could've killed Emily.

What I didn't realize and I guess [?] had forgotten was that dumbass on his cellphone had rearended Ozcarz on New Year's Day [text and drive? I will cut your tail off Tadpole.] and he took out the back window of my car. Not to mention $12,000 worth of metal and seats and oh, hell..whatever else.  Thank God he didn't kill my Emily. Or my husband, or my Evelyn.  I have a small car....but Chevy did this one right.

Anyhoodle.....I knew where I wanted to place my special sticker.  But when I looked at the window and saw the girls' stickers from Band gone....I lost it.

LOST IT. To the tune of "Find a doorknob and a phone number, 'cause girl, there is a face full of pavement in your very near future. Get your behind inside."

It was as if the whole year just came down.  EVERYTHING, just hit me. My girls?  Where were they? I couldn't picture them safe. The boys?  Where? [They are all fine btw] but the doctors, the meds, the moving, the house, the commute, the pain.  But that blank glass window screamed back at me and I heard,  "YOU FAIL"

BOOM!  Stickers gone, but GUESS WHAT? "Hi - here's your life and it is sucking Skippy. Have YOU noticed?"

Happy isn't an illusion I work at. I am happy [and I don't know why I feel I have to say THAT], but I absolutely fell apart looking at that windshield. I still can't explain it.

I got back into the house and called Steven first.  I never bother Steven at work during this time of year, it's busy...and after two decades, HELLO, I get this. But? If I call he knows.  Unfortunately, he was on a job [rare] and his phone was in the truck.  Second choice? Not a good one, but I picked Emily. My 22 year old college senior.  I was freaking out and I thought if I could just hear her voice.....but no answer. I am kind of happy about that now.  We see her tomorrow.  Keep breathing Skip.

So, final choice?  My beloved MIL.

And yes, Tadpoles, she talked me right off that ledge.  I was panicking. If she hadn't have answered, my next call was my PC doctor and then 911. Evelyn wasn't home [thank goodness] but my MIL is the most rational person I know. And didn't make me feel like I was crazy - and guess what? She KNOWS NOTHING about what is going on, because we don't want to worry her.  My own Mom would've told me to shut up, get over and called 911 to have me committed. Seriously. [I am not slamming my Mom, she just always handled things by passing them off]  I wasn't incoherent today, I just felt like all the life had gone out of me....and the tears were taking my life with them. My shirt was soaked.

God Bless our Connie.  I so, so much am blessed by the family I was given by marrying Steven. She is a gift I will never take for granted.

I used to apologize for scary, worrisome, bad posts. Can't do that anymore.  This is what it is....

I DO apreciate your comments on this mornings post.  So much - so a raise of hands - who is glad I am back after this post?

Yeah....me too.

See ya' on the flipside.  If you can handle me, I will be back tomorrow.  Love you all. Smile loudly. Life IS a gift.  Soaked shirt or not.

Okay...Here Goes. ::GULP:: A Little Bit of Hypocrisy and A LOT of Humility

I swore I would not do this.
I SAID I hate bloggers that leave their blogs and come back.

Well...hey. I am back. So, right now I HATE me and I am a big hypocrite.
I accept that.

Forgive me other bloggers that have done this...I am in your tent now.

I simply have too much to say - and those of you that followed me over to Facebook were all, like, "Gawd Skip...get a damn blog already. You are wordy as hell."

Yeah. I do tend to talk a LOT.  Not FB or Twitter worthy, believe me. I was close to getting banned. [KIDDING!]

So, I am back. Just a bit different, this time.

I always said I wrote "I Make Soap" for my family. THAT is true.  But guess what...the kids grew up.
And they know what is going on....and it ain't pretty. My health is sucky. Has been. You guys know this...but now...all those niggly little questions you SO wanted to know?  I will answer them.  I didn't write them before on the blog or admit because the kids didn't know. Now they do.

And? Now?  I get to talk about the GREAT, the BAD and the UGLY. Plus, the ridiculous and funny that seems to keep happening in our part of the world.  And if you are lucky you MIGHT get a recipe.

And know there is going to be a helluva' lot of fun stuff on here.  I never disappoint.  Steven and I have spent many a night re reading what I have already written - just stuff that happened - but we discovered I am pretty damn funny. To us anyway. Some of the conversations I have written down don't mean a lot to you  all, but my gosh, they make us stupid laughing.   So? There. giggle

And, no my punctuation is not getting better. It will continue suck. I can't proofread to save my life, [then again I am wondering who can HA - YES - sick humor is still around. What did you expect?]  and I think I need to start an orphanage for how many commas I *adopt* when I write this blog. [that was for you Fitz] I am a comma hoarder. I know this.

So..THAT is all going to stay the same.

But, now? I am going to cuss a bit. Not much..but some things make me so incredibly mad [think health care in THIS country] that an occasional "shit" and "fuck" are going to sneak in, sorry about that.

Right now? I am back in the house, stuck [and I LOVE our home] occasionally out in Ozcarz and trying my best.  But I am now writing this blog for ME.  Stay, insult me, love me, leave.....at this point, I know who my friends are and I will take care of you and try not to offend you.

You guys are tried and true - and I would NEVER have made it this far without you.  I only ask that you not question what I do with my children - that's all.

Question, complain, bitch at me if you will...but Sr, Dee, Tee, Squirrel and Wallene are off limits. That's all I ask.

Steven and I are fair game. Just when you hear our decisions - don't question our position with the kids. Okay?

I know you all.  My Tadpoles. Gosh, I love you guys....there is a lot of honesty coming...you have probably already figured out a lot...but ....I need this.

I need this blog.

Otherwise I think I am going to chew Steven's ear off.  Ask those on FB - they know. giggle

See you on the FLIPSIDE! I AM BACK - about 12 pm today.

Love and miss you all.  JG

I Am Not Going to Make Soap Anymore

I really don't like when Bloggers leave the blogasphere with declarations of "I have to go, can't do this anymore" or "Oh, so woe is me - the blog has to end, no one is reading" or the best?   "I can't blog anymore because the inspiration isn't there"  type of stuff...and then? 

They come back anyway.

Don't you?

Repeated disclaimer [raise your hand if you have heard this before. . . I see ALL of you raising them! hee ]- I have always written this blog for my family.

Here's the deal - there will be no blah, blah, blah stuff, bull or anything else tied to this post.  The simple fact is - I am not feeling all that well and I don't want to go through another round of "Oh, so woe is me". I am tired of being vague regarding my health for you, my beloved Tadpoles, in order to update the family on what they know the reality is.  I don't need to keep a record of our everyday for them anymore.

And you certainly don't need to live it.

[8:15 pm] I just told Steven that I was giving the blog up and he said "No you aren't."  And I said "Yes. Yes. I am going to give it up."  He was upset. Very upset, as you are his friends, as much as you are mine, but he understood that it has been so long in coming. Then he spent 10 minutes arguing with me [brave Man] over letting this go.  He finally realized that although you Tadpoles, our friends, are so important to us that I am truly weary.  I can't . . .I just can't . . .

We are still loving our new home on Red Hill. It's a gift actually, but I find I don't need to blog about our daily life to keep my family up on our doings as I once did, because. . . .well. . .the sum total of them are here and living it.  We have our smiles, laughs and love.  Our ups and downs . . .but my capacity and energy to be anywhere other than with my husband, Steven, and my children is too much.

Considering what y'all have given me in the past years, it does sound selfish to give this up, doesn't it?

So selfish. I hate that. It isn't me.

[Go ahead, curse my name. I deserve it. No worries....]

I will apologize for not staying around your blogs for you, the way you always have for me.

I swear the old adage "It's not you, it's me" holds true.  It IS me.

I wish I could hold you up and be there for you. Everyday.

I hope you see I tried to be your friend, your supporter - someone you could count on and I do hope you felt that. 

I admire you all . . .and I have no words [or I have too many words?] to tell each of you how much I admire you in this post.

I will say this. . .and it applies to y'all, and you know who you are.  . .

When I cheered you on, I meant every word of it. 

When I said "Hugs and kisses" I felt it. My arms were around you and my lips were on your cheek.

Mostly?. . . When I wrote that I loved you [or typed an XO] I held you dear in my heart and in my prayers.

The courage I saw? 
Your strength I filled myself with? 
YOUR LOVE I wrapped us in? 
They sustained me and my entire family.

Your comments will run forever to remind us that there are GREAT people in this world.

They are Tadpoles.

I wish I could I could write a paragraph, hell...a novel...encompassing how much I love y'all. And how much you mean to me - I receive so many inquiries when I "disappear" - and I am grateful for them, but grow weary, not because of you, but for your worry from the beautiful people that are you.

I don't want you to worry. I don't want to ask you for anything.

I just want you to all go on and be the happiest, most loving women and men, the best friends you can be to those in your real life.

That's the point.

Go forward and share what you give to me in your typed written word and heartfelt, readable hugs.  .

MAKE THEM REAL.

For me.  Tell your friends "Skippy sent me."

It is what I wish someone would do for me.

I love you all. So much. You will never know.

I gotta' go Tadpoles.

We'll see ya' on flipside.

SMILE LOUDLY. LIFE IS A GIFT.

I love you, Janine

In the Country? The Cows are Miffed

It is no secret I love living in the country. 
I love our new hometown of Orange, VA and everyday brings a new experience.

One thing Steven and I like to do is sit on the front porch at night, looking at the stars and listening to the quiet.

It IS quiet out here.  Such a change from the suburbs we came from. Eventhough we live in town, this is a very small town surrounded by farms.  Orange County is almost entirely agricultural and the miles and miles of farmland attest to exactly what our neighbors' livelihood is.

Which brings us to the cows.

The above pics were taken less than two miles from our home.

As I said, we like to listen to the quiet. The country quiet is occasionally punctuated by a train whistle or the mooing of a cow.  We love the trains, and can schedule our days around them rumbling through town.

The cows are even cooler.  Every evening, around dinner time, we can hear one of two cows mooing off in the distance.  When we first heard them they seemed so far away we weren't quite sure if we were hearing a cow because, as I said, we live IN town.  Sound travels out here evidently.

So yep, definitely a cow.  We still laugh everytime we hear nightfall's first moo and will sit, happily, for an hour listening to them let their farmer know "Hey! It's dinner time."

[At least we think that is what they are saying. Who speaks cow?]

Last night was different.  Last night was a cow cacophony. 

As we sat on the front porch chatting we heard the first sounds of our bovine friends.  I giggled at their perfect timing and continued talking about the day. Suddenly that one moo turned into four cows mooing, which multiplied into what sounded like six, ten, twelve?

It was a lot. 

Then it was the entire herd of [what sounded like] some pretty ticked off cows.

It went on for over an hour.  They sounded really upset and kept going on and on, voicing their displeasure.  It started to get a little sad because they sounded so unhappy.

Then I figured it out - this week the farmers were separating the calves from their Mommas to send them off to the livestock auction this weekend.

Bye Momma

Ah, such is the country life.

And just so you know - I lost a bet this week to our pal Joe over at These American Servers. We are both die hard baseball fans with Mr. Sixtop having the greater fortune of a much better team, the St. Louis Cards.  So if you like, pop over to Joe's and read up on an early restaurant memory of mine. The words "drunken" and "debauchery" come to mind. ::wink::

Take care Tadpoles. We'll see ya' on the flipside. xo Janine

[Disclaimer:   No, I am not sad about the "circle of life" or farming or anything else. I grew up around cows, calves, auctions and the local butcher. It's just a blog post, okay? No worries.]

Dinner Cost Me Squadoosh

. . .as Steven would like to say. ::grin::

Squadoosh means "nothing" for those that don't know my husband. hee

I know, I know. I haven’t been around. The whole *busy moving, enjoying the new house, sleeping* thing is a drag - but. . .I have been productive.

 

For one thing we have not ordered out or eaten at a restaurant this entire move. Not even when we lived in the country house temporarily.  We did go out for Squirrel's birthday but that was only because I couldn't cook for her with her at college.

 

So?  I would say that is a win, because there have been a lot of nights when I just wanted to toss in the towel, scrape change and order a pizza.

 

Finances and my hard head refused. Sigh. I need a softer head and more money I suppose.

 

Since that isn't happening anytime soon - let's chat about what I did today. Shall we?

 

It starts with a backstory:

My beloved Mother In Law always sends me old copies of magazines she subscribes to and I love them for the decorating and recipe ideas they give me. One article I read was excellent in pointing out how much food we, as Americans, throw away every year. Either because it is a wilted head of lettuce or leftovers we *leftover* too long in the fridge.

Everything in that article screamed at me, saying “Janine! This is you! Stop doing this.”

It was.
And I did

I always thought I was pretty good at stretching leftovers. Ask any chicken that has ever been roasted in one of my ovens on a Sunday. That bird is seeing [Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday] Thursday if I have my way - but there were so many other things I would throw out because I just didn’t want to DEAL with them.

No more.

Case in point. My family’s favorite soup is a Spicy Kielbasa, White Bean and Cabbage number I made up. I make it all the time and they love it, but I always want those main ingredients in the house when I do it. I get nervous if I don’t. What if they don’t like it if I use similar, but not the same, ingredients? What if I have to throw it away if because it isn’t perfect?

The angst. ARGH!

Ha! Nope. I kid.

I figure if I am going to throw out any leftovers I don’t want to deal with anyway why not throw it in a pot of soup?

I had what I had. And really? I didn’t want to go grocery shopping and spend money.

Steven had made me kale with ham for my birthday. LOVE! [And why there is any still left is beyond my imagination considering this is like chocolate to me but. . .] Oh and we had Pigs in a Blanket for appetizer on my birthday too. [We call them Boomettes....I digress]
 

As I like to say in our house,  “I jerryrigged the sh*t out of that [those leftovers].”

With the leftover kale and mini weinies from Monday ... I give you....

I had the ham in the kale along with the Lil smokies to replace the Kielbasa.

I used the can of cannelli beans [that has apparently made the trek all the way from Sterling?] in place of raw navy beans.

I tossed the kale in to replicate the cabbage.

I used ground ginger instead of fresh.

Jarred garlic because the season is over and I used up all my fresh about a month ago.

And I doctored a package of vegetable broth with water to use in lieu of chicken broth I normally have.

The rest of the ingredients I always have handy.

Celery, onion, jalapeno, cumin, salt, pepper...etc.

My house smells so good. Hee.

 

 

Hope you are all doing well. Seems to be some tough times out there in y'all's ponds. I am trying to stay connected and we should have full on internet tomorrow, with a phone and such by Sunday.

 

Please know we are thinking and praying for all of you. Take care. Much love and hugs, xo Janine

　

　

　

The Inadvertent Selfie [and other pics']

Is "Selfie" the right word? Wallene has a grand time laughing at her Momma attempt internet speech, but...okay. I have the keys to the car kid. Hush. hee

I was trying to get y'all some good pics of the new house and I took this one by mistake.
Turned out to be a pretty good pic' tho' because you can see our lawn and the neighbor's place across the street.
Well, I thought so anyway.

 And this is what I meant it to look like [without me in the glass door. ::grin::]

 

Our front lawn. The leaves started falling yesterday.

 Have fun Wallene!

Side yard leading to the street. I helped mow that. I am very happy about that. :)

 

 Our neighbors have a chicken coop [and a GORGEOUS lawn]

I want chickens too.

 Spottie patrolling her property.

Our new washer and dryer.

Told you they were cool!

 The only stairs I have to navigate.

12 steps instead of 37.

LIFE IS GOOD. YAY!

 And finally. . .the birthday girl.

LOVE!

It isn't much Tadpoles but it's about the best I can do right now. If you know me on Facebook then you understand the trial I have been having getting internet/cable in here. Wore me out a bit - but absolutely NO worries.  It's all good and nothing, not Comcast or DISHnetwork, could dampen my enthusiasm for our new home.

You guys are the best and I thank you.  Gotta scoot. A wee bit tired.

See ya' on the flipside of another glorious day. Hugs xo Janine

I Don't Even Know Where to Begin. . .

What a gloriously splendiferous week.

I am pooped.  We're all pooped.

This moving is serious biz y'all. But you already knew that, right?  It has been so long [7 years] since our last move I had forgotten what all this entails.

But? It's ALL good. No. Good isn't enough. It is all GREAT. Better than great.

As I said it has been GLORIOUSLY SPLENDIFOROUS. :) [Evidently splendiferous is a real word. No red squiggly line underneath that one. Wow Spellcheck. Who knew?]

Anyhoodle - in an effort to save time and my sanity [trying to remember everything I want to tell you] I will just write a list of everything that has happened this week. Okay? Okay.

• The house is perfect.  I didn't think I could love a house like I love this one.  The family agrees.  I don't think I have ever seen Steven happier than I have this past week.  I swear I think he is pinching himself because he can't believe our good fortune that this is OUR home.  Wallene is completely and utterly in love with everything here in Orange.  It is such a relief knowing we did the right thing moving here.
• Speaking of Wallene - our child is amazing. Truly. I know you guys think I brag an inordinate amount about her, but the person she is and the things she does amaze me.   Her 16th birthday was this past Wednesday.  The second day in her new school.  Here we are 100 miles from her old friends, in a town where she has no new friends [yet] and her parents were scraping the bottom of their savings account to come up with a little something to make her birthday memorable. We had the usual Birthday Girl's choice for dinner and a homemade cake, with two very small presents [and by small - I mean not 16th birthday girl worthy] and I spent a lot of time in our bedroom crying for our baby because I just felt as tho' I had let her down, y'know? Through it all she smiled and laughed and told us that it was a great birthday. Perfect for her. Not one complaint uttered, or tear shed [on her part anyway]. No blame that we had taken her from her real home or her old friends. None of the screaming tantrums that everyone warns you about when your kid is a teenager. Just happy, happy. [Personally? I get tired of people "warning" me about what my kids are going to do when they hit a certain age.  Perhaps your kids did it, and you use it as an excuse, but mine? We'll just wait and see what MY kids do. All kids and parents are different - so I'll thank you to keep your warnings to yourself. And this is not directed to a single Tadpole or even an Anonymous reader - these are just real life friends and acquaintances that have been doing this since I popped the first kid out, okay? Don't email  me thinking I am talking about you. I'm not. giggle] Okay, so where was I?  Oh, Wallene, so yes. She had what she considered a great birthday. And I love her so much more for it.
• School is going really well for her too. She loves her new school.  Best part of my day is seeing her walk up the road to our house and then sitting on the front porch listening to her go on and on about her new friends and classes, etc.  We have discovered that Band Kids are the same all over. Kind, funny [my gawd Tadpoles these kids are FUNNY] and willing to embrace a newcomer like an old friend. Whew. So we dodged a bullet on thinking she was going to be lonely and friendless. On her third day of school she stayed after with a group of kids to just hang out and help with Marching Band practice.  Our only fail in moving here was we missed Marching Band Camp by 4 days, so she has to wait until next year to march.  No worries - they treat her like one of the team anyway [YAY!] and she is in Symphonic Band with them during classes.
• One final Wallene story and then I will get back to the house. She got her learner's permit on Saturday. Yep! My baby is driving now. She is so cute too. I have been letting her drive Ozcarz [I heard that collective gasp gang. hee] and she is so tense, thinking she is going to wreck him.  I keep telling her she won't and if she did we have awesome insurance so stop worrying.  She'll loosen up in time and I can already tell she loves driving [like her Momma] and will be really good at it soon.
• The house!  Have I mentioned how great this house is?  IT IS.  Steven said it reminded him of his childhood home and I had to agree. It reminds me of mine too.  It was built in the early 80s so it isn't all "open floor plan", high ceilings and bumpouts. It's just a simple brick rambler built on a basement [a HUGE basement mind you, to which we have taken to having wheelchair/roller chair races around the perimeter - too fun!]  The house is plain and simple, but still there is a sense of coziness about it.  The most amazing thing is all of our furniture looks as tho' it was made for this house. It fits wonderfully. I can't even begin to describe it, it just IS.
• Funny story about our first day here - Steven went north to meet the moving van while I went to the new house to wait and clean up a few things.  On my way to the house I had to go potty. The closer I got, the more I had to go. I zipped into the driveway, unlocked the door to our new, entirely empty home and dashed inside. Since I came in through the backdoor I had to go through a few rooms and a hallway to get to the bathroom. The house being so new [and it really isn't that big] I couldn't remember how to get there. I think I managed to visit every room in my quest to find it.  I did, obviously - but never having used the facilities in this home I didn't realize that these toilets were original to the house and therefore quite a bit lower than the new models most of us of used to now.  Guess what happened when I went to sit down where I am used to the seat being? Yep, missed it by a mile and cracked my tailbone on the way down. [Not literally, I am fine, but it was a gorgeous bruise for a few days. hee] I think my neighbors heard the bang when I hit it was so loud.
• This house didn't come with a washer or dryer. Not a big deal because there is a nice Laundromat in town and I can also go to the country house and use theirs, but. . .we actually found the deal of the year on Saturday. We didn't think we would be able to afford a set until after Christmas, but God is smiling on us because the set we found is practically brand new [I don't think they were ever used] without a ding or dent on them. All for the low, low price of $225. Can you believe that? I have been skippyhappydancing for two days over this.  I know, I know the weird stuff that excites me, but it does. And as an added Skippy bonus, just who do you think helped Steven unload the washer? Me! Yes, me! And while he was hooking it up Wallene and I dragged the dryer out of the van and put it in the basement next to the washer. Ta-Da. I can now do laundry in our own home. Yippeee!
• The lawn. Wow. Let me just say that our neighbors take lawn care very serious out here. It is a matter of pride to have a well mowed and maintained lawn.  Which is wonderful and makes our neighborhood extra specially pretty, but we were townhouse dwellers for years. We haven't had to mow a lawn in a decade, let alone even own a lawn mower. Not a problem. My very generous and beloved in laws told us to use the one at the country house. Wonderful, except we have a big yard. Big. Almost an acre. Everyone, and I mean everyone, here owns a lawn tractor.  We will have to be content with mowing our lawn with the push mower for now.  And to be honest Tadpoles, it does not suck.  Between the three of us we managed to mow it in a little over 3 hours.  And yes, that does say "the THREE of us" as in Yes, yours truly helped mow the lawn. I grew up mowing our lawn every week for years and I actually like mowing.  Steven and Wallene didn't want me to do it, and I admit to not being the biggest contributor to the entirety that was cut, but I did my share and by rotating we all got to take a break when we needed. It was pretty awesome Tadpoles. Preeeeeettty awesome. [Pain? What pain? HA!]

I guess that is all for now. I have to get Wallene up for school. Oh, speaking of the school - it is only 1 minute by car from here. So cool.  Walking to school takes 20 minutes and is really hilly, so I drive her in the morning [there is a school bus too, but the route is so circuitous that it is an HOUR long bus ride. ha. no.] and she walks home in the afternoon. Except I may start picking her up so she can practice driving the whole 1 minute home. ::grin::

Okay, gotta' scoot. I hope y'all have a wonderful week and everything is shiny, happy in your pond too.

We'll see ya' on the flipside! xo Janine