Writing Limericks for Gail

Gail over At the Farm is having a contest for best Limerick. Well, I won her last contest :D so I wasn't going to enter, but she keeps cajoling me. It doesn't matter that I don't, can't and won't write poetry [even as simple and fun as a Limerick] but since I love her so much I agreed to play.
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Sigh....
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I want no guff about these, okay? I know they suck - you know they suck - no need to repeat the obvious, kay? Okay?

Here goes:

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In Melbourne there is a woman named Gail.

Who is a friend to all without fail.

But she is forcing me to write,

this limerick, I fight!

But if I win I get a prize in the mail.

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There once was a Momma named Skippy.

Her humor was somewhat [so] dippy.

This limerick, to write

and try as she might.

Did not result even ONE big, fat YIPPY!

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[they aren't getting any better are they? :D]

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A dachsund is a breed without peer.

Their owners hold them so dear.

But our lil' Spot

was not the "pick of the lot."

We got stuck with the dumbest, that's clear!

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[no hate on Spottie's...y'all know my dog :D]

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I want to be light as a feather.

To wear my my bikini in the warm weather.

But the holidays came,

and I ate without blame.

Now I can't see my "regions so nether."

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Pooldad enticed me with a smile.

So we locked the door, full of guile.

The kids started banging!

I screamed "There'll be a hanging!"

And we got back to business they would think vile. [;D]

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[this last one happened all the time when the kidlets were little]

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I embarrass myself with how bad those are...but what's a girl to do when a friend asks? So, Gail I hope you enjoy. Pick one to enter - but uh...I am not expecting a prize. Y'think?