As Close to 100% As I am Going to Get

Rockfish catchin'

One thing I dont' spend a lot of time dwelling on via my blog but does consume a huge part of my life is having Lupus. I may mention it in a private email to a friend/Tadpole or discuss it briefly in a phonecall but I don't bring it up a lot because, really? It is a pain. Haha!

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But? This morning I woke up and was actually able to stand without wobbling or wincing in pain. I couldn't believe it. Ever since I fell and hurt my knee I have been a swollen mess of humanity and in so much pain that I was getting tired of being alive. It has been almost two months of this crap and I was running out of patience with my body.

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When I am flaring I confine myself to two places in our home - either bed or a chair at the kitchen table. The problem with the kitchen set up was the longer I sat the more my joints swelled and the more difficult walking became. So I was forced to go lay in bed for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Not only boring but it cuts me off from the kids and Pooldad and I hate having them have to get me everything - I miss being me. I want to do for myself. Please know that they actually seem to like doing stuff for me - they never complain and are always checking if I need anything - but I don't like the role reversal - Hello! I am the Mom here.

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What I think has set me on the road to remission is my chair. I have an incredible chair with an ottoman that Pooldad gave me a few years back. When I say incredible - I am not kidding. This thing is squishy, roomy, comfy - it is like sitting on a cloud. I knew I couldn't handle the kitchen chair anymore and the love seat is just a tad low for how tall I am so I asked the kids to bring my chair up from the family room and put it in the kitchen. [That was interesting - the chair moving, let me just say. lol] I wanted so much to be with the family and not in my bed.

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I sat in it for about 6 hours last night and my hips, knees, ankles and feet slowly un-swelled [sorry don't have another word]. It was amazing. I went to bed at 11 pm and slept through until 6:15 am. Tadpoles - that is unheard of. I am always awake around 3 or 4 and don't go back to bed until the afternoon. I couldn't believe it.

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Now, why am I telling you all of this? For a couple of reasons - I am so excited that I can walk without pain. I swear if it only lasts one day I will take it - it is heaven. I am also sitting here, by myself, because everyone is still in bed, and I need to SHARE - lol - I can stand today and cook, bake, craft and get my own glass of water and snacks! I can't wait until the kids get up. They worry and I know they will be happy to see me up and about.

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And finally - I have been taking a lot of guff lately for enjoying the snow so much. And I don't understand it. I make it a point to see the best of a bad situation, not that I consider snow a bad thing as I love it, but I can't allow myself to become down everytime a flake falls or whenever I am stuck in bed because of the pain. What way is that to live life? Really. It's probably another reason I don't blog about Lupus - what's the point? I have it, I have to live with it and one day [unless my roof collapes from the snow - haha] it is probably going to be what ends my life. That is my reality. I live with it everyday but I try to have a good attitude about it, because it isn't like I can give it back, can I? Sort of like the snow - you can't stop it, so make the best of it.

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And the picture? I posted that because I feel like that today. Like I could conquer the world - and I want to feel like that again and again and again.

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Hope everyone has a great Tuesday. Thanks for listening.