Dear Scooby -
Dude, look. We have to chat. I now realize that you are probably the Guiness World Record Holder for largest Chesapeake Bay Retreiver in the history of the breed, but seriously? Could you please keep you head off my kitchen counters?
Is it really necessary, while we are sleeping, to eat all my bread and cookie products? Your score now stands at 8 english muffins [trust me they are better toasted] a dozen sugar cookies - which were huge btw - didn't your stomach hurt after that sugar rush? and a loaf of white bread. I will give you credit tho'. You are extremely neat at getting the bakery items out of their wrappings and you do clean up all your crumbs, so you get props for that, but for pete's sake Doggie I need to feed the kidlets breakfast and make lunches. Okay?
I like the way the kitchen is set up, but if I forget to set the bread and cookies back in the basket could you look the other way? Please? I am still trying to get the hang of having a small pony in the house and your little midnight forays aren't helping.
And another thing - I know it is the highlight of your day when the youngest comes home. Your "OMGOMGOMG!!!!!! dance" is adorable but Scoob? You are 7 years old - happy tinkling on her feet should've stopped quite a few years ago. Yes she loves you - yes she is taking you out right that minute - yes there is grass a few feet out the front door. Could you please, please stop with the peepee dance? I am going through 5 towels a week just for you.
Know that I love you and couldn't be happier that you are here. Let's just work on those few things, 'kay?
PS - learn your breed specs. Chessies are not barkers. It is one of the lovely things about you guys. But I swear on God's little green apples if you don't stop taking your cue from the Nazi and barking at everything I am kicking her to the curb. Along with you. You scare the crap out me when you do that and I think the neighbors might be getting a little annoyed.