Friday, May 22, 2009

I Need to Get the Hang of Owning A Big Dog

Dear Scooby -
Dude, look. We have to chat. I now realize that you are probably the Guiness World Record Holder for largest Chesapeake Bay Retreiver in the history of the breed, but seriously? Could you please keep you head off my kitchen counters?
Is it really necessary, while we are sleeping, to eat all my bread and cookie products? Your score now stands at 8 english muffins [trust me they are better toasted] a dozen sugar cookies - which were huge btw - didn't your stomach hurt after that sugar rush? and a loaf of white bread. I will give you credit tho'. You are extremely neat at getting the bakery items out of their wrappings and you do clean up all your crumbs, so you get props for that, but for pete's sake Doggie I need to feed the kidlets breakfast and make lunches. Okay?
I like the way the kitchen is set up, but if I forget to set the bread and cookies back in the basket could you look the other way? Please? I am still trying to get the hang of having a small pony in the house and your little midnight forays aren't helping.
And another thing - I know it is the highlight of your day when the youngest comes home. Your "OMGOMGOMG!!!!!! dance" is adorable but Scoob? You are 7 years old - happy tinkling on her feet should've stopped quite a few years ago. Yes she loves you - yes she is taking you out right that minute - yes there is grass a few feet out the front door. Could you please, please stop with the peepee dance? I am going through 5 towels a week just for you.

Know that I love you and couldn't be happier that you are here. Let's just work on those few things, 'kay?

Your SkippyMom

PS - learn your breed specs. Chessies are not barkers. It is one of the lovely things about you guys. But I swear on God's little green apples if you don't stop taking your cue from the Nazi and barking at everything I am kicking her to the curb. Along with you. You scare the crap out me when you do that and I think the neighbors might be getting a little annoyed.

7 comments:

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

Very fun dog you have!

Gail said...

Nothing like a cheery dog "tail" to start the day.
Hang in there, patience, love and all that stuff.

christopher said...

Has that baseball bat of a tail sent anything flying off of any low tables yet?
Oh, and depends work quite well for the happy peeing. ;)

After a lifetime of medium or small dogs, I don't know if I could handle a huge guy. Props to you and your deep well of patience. He is pretty darn adorable though.

Yvo said...

TRUST HER ON THE ENGLISH MUFFINS TASTING BETTER TOASTED!!!

Now that I got that out of the way, oh man, the happy peeing might be a psychological issue... my ex's dog did that and it was a thing...

PS I am ready to throw my dog out of the window... after her behavior (OR LACK OF) the past few days... I swear to you

Marni said...

Too freakin' funny.

Amy said...

So Funny - That is one big dog - but sounds like so much fun.

Just think of all the calories he is saving you from!

Rudee said...

Ahh. Life with a big dog is like no other. I miss my Dukealicious Dog.