Day One: Name something you hate about yourself.
This query made it hard for me to start this challenge. Not because I couldn't think of anything, but because I simply couldn't pick just one thing.
I would like to think I don't suffer from a low self esteem, but don't we all have our foibles that we would hope that we could improve on in our lives? I haven't met a perfect person yet, so I think that is a pretty fair assumption.
Since I can only pick one - I decided to choose the words "I can't" and how they color my world.
I truly hate that the phrase "I can't" is in my everyday world and I hear it, more often than not, every single day from my mouth, from the doctors and from my family.
I could always do. Always. I could cook, sew, drive, walk, clean, love, hug, tickle, play, run, laugh and basically do what I loved - which is what a Mom does, eh? I never thought being a stay at home Mom was a bad gig - I actually thought I was pretty good at it but, everything combined in the past two years has given me a lot of "I can'ts." I used to be able to enjoy so much, but now the phrase "I can't" has stolen some of my smallest pleasures and those of my family.
"I can't breath." Because it is early morning and the congestion is severe.
"I can't cook dinner tonight" Because it is too painful to stand.
"I can't attend your band concert, awards ceremony or your Christmas party." Because I am too tired.
"I can't drive you to your friends house." Because my hands don't bend around the steering wheel anymore.
"I can't drive to Myrtle Beach with my family." Because my doctor told me no.
"I can't have you hug me. Sorry." Because it is painful.
"I can't walk the dogs." Because I have no strength to get out of the house.
"I can't eat that. It has too much sodium." Because of my illness - and I know better.
"I can't walk up the stairs right now to see the new decoration in your room." Because I have one trip left up the stairs today and I am saving it to get to bed.
"I can't remember" something I said three hours ago or that you told me yesterday.
"I can't sleep." Because it hurts.
I could make that list a thousand lines long - but I think everyone gets the point. I understand that I should focus on the "I cans" - I can get up in the morning, I can make my daughter's lunch, I can cook once in a while and that is probably why I post about my little victories of laundry and bread sometimes - but I find so many more "I can'ts" in my life than I would like.
And? I just can't live with that.