I don't have anybody. Honestly. There is not a single person alive or dead that I need to forgive for something they did or I think they did to me.
Because I am not one to hold a grudge. Anymore. And that is what needing to forgive someone for something is all about - a grudge. Well, perhaps I haven't had anything so terribly heinous happen to me in my life that I really do need to forgive someone or it is just that I let go of hard feelings towards others a long time ago.
I have a good reason - I call it my "Get Out of Jail Free Card". The Doctors call it "Lupus".
With Lupus it is important not to become stressed or upset because doing so can cause a flare [it is one of the ways to do it] and no one wants to flare - least of all me. You can become terribly ill and end up in the hospital if you are not careful.
I took this knowledge and applied it to my own life. Not so much because I wanted to but because I had to and Tadpoles? It is like a gift. No more arguing with family members, no more "he said, she said" kind of fights in my world, no more disappointments from friends - I just get to say "Sorry, I do love you, but I am stepping away now because I can't be in the middle of this melee anymore. I have to think of my health." It works like a charm - because no one wants to continue to fight with the Loopy in the corner, right? They don't want to think they are going to be the cause of the sick chick in the hospital.
I don't know if I am explaining this well, but I learned to let it go. Other peoples' actions have no bearing on me. I am an adult - and as much as something that someone else has done may effect me, moreso than others, I am still me and ultimately I am the one taking care of me. Walking away from volatile or heart wrenching situations is what I [have to] do now.
Did any of this make sense? Hope so! Y'all have a great Thursday.
8 comments:
You are such a goodie....I don't want to be unforgiving. I don't want to hold a grudge but, I be an Olde Bagg and remember the B word. That's me. But at least I try.
vert word aings
I aings lots higher than I can reach.
None of what you wrote comes as a surprise to me- you seem to be a very caring and self aware person. I used to allow people/situations to get me upset, but as you so eloquently stated you only end up hurting yourself.
I think as you get older, when you go through difficult times it changes your perspective about how you deal with challenges. For me three years ago when my MIL was living with us during her chemo, radiation & subsequent death was my wake up call. I finally realized that there are times that no mater what you do, or how hard you try you still have no control about peoples reactions & the outcome. I took this to heart and I find that I pray more and I try to not let the "small stuff" get to me as much.
And isn't most of it pretty much "small stuff"?
Believe it or not, I am also very forgiving. I have forgiven plenty. I have ongoing normal relationships with numerous people who have done me very wrong in the past. There is a separation in my mind between who they were and who they are now. I have trouble with my mother though who seems to be oblivious that actions she is totally aware of are hurtful although any sane person could see it. She somehow still believes that as a child (and maybe even now), I DESERVED to be beaten up and ridiculed and humiliated over and over without her putting a stop to it EVER while my brothers (my torturers) have even admitted to her that I did not start anything. It was a game they played to make me cry that escalated. This attitude of hers that I was bad and undeserving did not stop there but permeated everything. She would not allow me to defend myself. She would not allow teachers or anyone else to compliment or encourage me. She has never taken my side for anything but sided with anyone who was against me. There was hell to pay if my father did anything nice for me. She has often helped out my siblings but point blank told me over and over not to even ask. I no longer hate her as I did as a child, nor am I terrified of her. But I do get very angry because I have been mentally unequipped to even attempt things that should I would have been very capable of accomplishing.
Skippy...what you have said is so true. But why do we have to wait for something life altering to make us this way? Why can't we just walk away from it anyway? That's one of lifes mysteries I guess. Whatever the reason is for each of us, it is a healthy way to ride through this life. Why get bogged down with the "crap". Too much great stuff to enjoy along the way. Hope this made sense?
I'm not surprised, either, at your attitude and forgiving nature. Life is too short. Period.
yep - right there with ya. i've forgiven so many people for things they've (actually) done (not just in my mind, but truly did). others just don't understand how I can do that. because it's better than holding onto the pain. I can remember the incident and be sorry for the child (or even the adult) who was hurt, but there's no reason to hold onto the pain itself. it solves nothin and if the person who did the action didn't recognize then that they were attacking, they're probably not going to recognize it in any time in the future.
Skippy, you are a candle shining in this dark world. I have people I should forgive. But I do not. I guess one question I could ask myself is: what is the benefit of my continuing to be upset about what certain people did or failed to do? Is it energy wasted? Thank you for prompting me to think about this. I admire you greatly. xxxoooo
I had to learn to forgive MYSELF. One of the hardest things I ever did do.
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