Thursday, December 24, 2009

No Room at the Inn

Sorry for the biblical reference - but it is the line that has been running through my head all day and it doesn't allude to the baby Jesus. I will explain that in a moment.

First I have to say thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your good wishes, thoughts and prayers mean everything to me and have helped me through today. Seriously tadpoles. To click on my email throughout the day and see your comments and support buoyed my spirit while I waited on word from my sister and the hospital.

We are still in VA since I have discovered it is a pretty hard task to find someone to care for a 110 lb. lapdog. We cannot take him to SC and I wasn't about to try call around and see if I could find a place to board him. [Hence the title of the post] It IS Christmas - all the places in our area have been booked for months and I am not silly enough to call anyone and ask "Gee, you don't have ANY thing?" I know better and I am just not that person. Most of our friends that are comfortable around Scooby - although he is a big dog he is a sweetie, some people are still scared of him because of size - are out of town. So I am still looking.

I am also getting a hard time from my husband, my sister and my doctor about being 400 miles from home should I flare or have an episode. To be honest, they are all right - but I really, really want to see my Mom once more. But I have to take into account my family - Pooldad, my kids. I don't really know what the risks would be - oh the great unknown! - but after listening to all of them I don't consider it a chance I can take.

I really was having such a great time with Christmas this year. I was. And I still am going to, no worries there - they don't call me Skippy for nothing, right? But I am frustrated and sad because we won't be there and with Mom being in ICU there is no way to talk to her. Funny aside: Cellphones are verboten in the hospital right? My sister actually closed the door to my mother's room so I could say hi real quick without the nurses seeing my Mom on my sis's cellphone. So while she* was yelling at me to stay home I got to yell back that she shouldn't be using a cellphone in ICU. We're even. And laughing at each other. She promised not to do it again. I didn't promise not to drive down tho' ;) [*my sister, not my Mom]

So the story goes - I love my Mom. That goes without saying - and although I know that I need to keep the happy, happy going for the kids on Christmas - the thought of my sister and my Mom all alone in an ICU unit in SC is about breaking my heart. I know that sounds very pathetic and self-pitying and I don't mean it to be, but sometimes I wonder how my life plays out this way. It was only 3 short years ago that I received the phone call on Christmas Eve morning notifying me that Squirrel and Jr's Dad was dead.

I don't want that phone call tomorrow. Or Friday. Heck, I don't want that phone call at all, but it is inevitable and I know it.

I have to say again - You all have helped me more than you know and I thank you. I want to keep the Merry in the Christmas and although I am finding it hard your words make me smile and show me what a truly great group of friends I have.

Thank you.

9 comments:

Olde Baggs n Stuft Shirts by LindaOma said...

Pathetic, self pitying????? I don't think so. In fact it is quite the opposite. All the sunshine in the sky cannot and will not change the fact that below it there is a rainstorm going on. But the sunshine still exists. We just can't see sun shining for the clouds in the sky. Emotions this strong are real and okay to have and share with others so there not too heavy to carry. I am new to your site but I knew there was a reason to be here (and it wasn't the verification word game fiasco either). My Mom past away 7 years ago at this time of year. It's still close in my heart and mind, so if you need someone to vent to....I'm your girl. I truly mean that....don't hesitate. Feeling for and with you, Linda in New Mexico

Rudee said...

Oh dear. I hope your mom is on the mend, Skippy. BTW, use of cell phones vary from hospital to hospital. The doctors all use them, so it's hard to tell other humans that they can't. If your mom can speak, she should be able to have a phone in her room.

Many hospitals have wifi. If hers does, maybe someone could find a laptop and you could set up a face to face visit using Skype. I don't know her condition, but I'm just trying to come up with solutions to your conundrum.

I wish a blessed and peaceful holiday.

Hugs.

ellen abbott said...

I hope your mom hangs in there til you can get to see her again.

Enjoy your family.

Niki :-) said...

Sorry I've been MIA w/my comments lately. I've had a lot going on and my depression hit pretty hard a couple weeks ago. I'm sorry you're going thru hard times. Hugs!
Niki in az

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am so sorry this is happening in your life right now. These things aren't things that we can plan. I have no sage wisdom to offer, just my heartfelt empathy. I applaud your attitude to keep things upbeat for your family. I offer myself as a sounding board, should you need one.....

Amy said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, let alone on Christmas. I understand the desire to be by her side, but you do need to take care of yourself as well.

I am thinking of you and specifically came to check out your post this morning to see how she (and you) are doing. Hang in there and know that your family continues to be in my prayers. (I'll even get Clara to say some because she will repeat ANYTHING I tell her to say - such an obediant girl!)

Love ya.

Marni said...

Hugs and hugs and hugs

Sally said...

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas. Don't feel bad about the cellphone in the hospital, it's important to be able to be in contact w/ your sis and mom. My friend was texting from the hospital when she was in labor with twins!

Twenty-seven years ago my grandfather was terminally ill with a brain tumor and my parents snuck my 6 mo. old brother thru the window into my grandfather's ground floor hospital room... you do what you have to do!

Linda and Denny said...

Illnesses and holidays seem to go hand in hand anymore. I hope your mom improved today and things are going better.

Don't beat yourself up over not being able to go there right now. You know your own body and how much you can take so base your judgment on that and trust your instincts if the time comes that you feel you must be there.