I keep this picture right next to me, on my bulletin board:
Yep. Wallene! She is 5 years old and it still makes me smile.
This was a gift to me.
It is a beautiful rendition of Spot the Dot.
I don't know how to explain what I am feeling today, but yesterday sucked. Big Air. It sucked the air out of the room. It was just bad. And for once it wasn't my health - I have been on a high since Sunday and our outing in D.C. I have done things I haven't done in forever...and I appreciated the effort. My family did too.
But...yesterday? Yesterday was weird. It was like the universe converged and decided I was the person that needed to suddenly be. . . . . . .The person that kept her mouth shut. The person that spoke her mind. The person that was asked for advice, the person that lost her patience with the doctor's office and her own daughter. The person that walked around mumbling expletives under her breath. The person that had to keep secrets from her husband because a friend asked [and although not my style, I did do it] There are so many people I became [that I didn't want to be] yesterday that I melted down and just gave in and went to bed.
I like me and I don't want to not be me, but I had to abandon my husband and my daughter at 7 pm and go to bed. There was no use.
I want to help, I want to do, but I have no idea what everyone wants.
My family, my friends. I really have no idea.
You ask and I answer - you question and I give my best response. But I have to ask - why do you continue to argue or give me a scenario that didn't exist before? I don't have your answers if you don't have the appropriate question. If I don't know or understand the problem then I will say so, but stop changing the parameters to work around what I answered to your questions.
One of the quotes I try to live by is "If you can't be nice then be vague." I try to be nice but sometimes it becomes impossible. Can you imagine having the same scenario with several friends over and over in one day?
None of this makes much sense, but can everyone do their friends and parents a favor - don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer. You know what the truth is, we know what it is and as much as we want to be your friend we don't know what to say anymore.
I won't tell you what you want to hear just because you want to hear it, because that is wrong. I understand my advice was too much to hear but, I have no middle ground.
I want to help, truly I do, but when it ceases to make sense based on your flip and flop there is no point in the conversation anymore.
I won't lie, but I won't hide the truth [as I see it] either.
And if that doesn't work for you then I can't change that.
I am me. I can't apologize for that.
I wish you a quieter Wednesday.