Saturday, January 8, 2011

And Skippy Rambles.....

I told a Tadpole the other day that blogging was basically a narcissistic pursuit.  If you think about it - it really is, but that is a good thing, to me, as I have a window into a world of people I would never know otherwise.  I get to see your lives and live vicariously through your pursuits.

And I get to talk about myself. [Narcissism at it's finest]  Which I consider a double bonus.  I don't have to use up too many of my friends' [time on the phone] cellphone minutes if I can just write it here. Well, except for NMM - I use up all her minutes. ;D  She assures me she loves me...but I am waiting for her to hang up on me one day.

I am kidding.  Sort of - because I don't have the opportunities that a lot of you do. Anymore.  So sharing with you is a good outlet..

Bear with me please....I need to talk.

What I am trying to get around to is I thought I was scared in April of 2010.  Nope, not even close.  Yesterday scared me more than I have ever been in my life.  The sight of my husband in pain, looking faint made me realize, um...things I didn't want to think about.  I held it together for the kids and Pooldad - but it took an extreme amount of effort I didn't even think I had.

I have done a lot in my life where I had to put up a good front and behave appropriately.  I am not too good at that.  Restraint isn't in my wheelhouse but, after being with Pooldad for so long I have learned been shown that keeping my mouth shut, calming down and taking control will get me through.

I did that yesterday.  I surprised myself.

What was funny - all the aches, pains, breathing problems disappeared [or I ignored them] as I attempted to get to my husband at the hospital.  The cab companies were starting to piss me off after a bit - I mean, how hard is it to get a cab in a suburb 45 minutes from Washington DC. C'mon.  It wasn't until my sister called [for  our nightly chat] and found out what was going on that I snapped.  At her.  I was at a breaking point of frustration, because I couldn't find a damn cab.  She told me to shut up, calm down and work it out.  She actually offered to go online in SC and find a cab in our town and send them my way. I declined...but...

Gotta' love the woman.  I did what she said.  And got the stupid cab. [Love you LA!]

I know I am rambling [told you] but I am exhausted.  From lack of sleep, worry and work. I didn't think I had it in me but I discovered I actually am not the cripple I have thought that I was in the past year.  If I have to do it, and in this case I do, I can do what ever I want.  I drove today for the first time since 2009.  Scared the hell out of me, but hey! Virginia! my license is still valid. I didn't go far - just up the street to get P/D's meds and supplies for the weekend.  I cleaned the kitchen 3 times [don't ask, but the kids are in so much trouble over that] and made dinner.

Want to take bets on how many times I went up and down the stairs today to check on my husband - if you hit double digits you would be in the ballpark.

I am on adrenaline, I know that.  I am going to crash and burn very soon - but while it lasts I will take it and hope for the best.

He needs me, as I realized last night, just like I need him.

I love you Pooldad.

21 comments:

Mynx said...

Lovely lady, glad you got through the night okay. Must be late again for you. Really enjoyed our emails so if you ever want to drop me a line feel free. Especially when it is the middle of the night for you
Big hugs and dont forget to look after yourself too.

Michaela said...

Hi Babe, sorry about your anxieties over Pooldad. I cant be sure, but I dont think kidney stones ever killed anyone - much though they hurt! I, too, shudder to imagine being without my hubby. My mind just cant go there. PLease dont overdo it honey if possible. I pray he is better real soon! xxooo

Bouncin' Barb said...

Skippy...you have to pace yourself to accomplish all this. When he's resting, you rest. You do need to keep yourself in tact because otherwise you are no good to anyone. Please don't push yourself too much. I totally understand what you are saying. Totally! But I need my champagne delivered and want to be able to offer some to the driver! Love you and this was a great post!

Odie Langley said...

He is certainly a lucky man to have you looking after him. I do hope you don't crash as you said so try to take care of yourself too, OK? Hoping both of you have a peaceful and pain free weekend.
Odie

RV Vagabonds said...

It only takes one scare to bring your entire world into perspective. There was never any doubt that you had the capability of taking over in an emergency although I'm sorry you had to find out the hard way. Hope that nasty stone passes quickly and relatively painlessly and you take care of yourself. <3

word vert: harad. It's harad to see a loved one suffer.

Thisisme said...

Skippy, I am so very sorry that you have all this worry about Pooldad at the moment, and you certainly HAVE been buzzing around and, whilst it is great that you were able to do it all when push came to shove, I agree with the others. PLEASE dear friend, try to rest yourself whenever you can. Otherwise, you will be in trouble. That was very brave of you indeed to drive like you did, if you haven't done so since 2009. Well done you! Sending you a great big (((HUG))) from across the pond x

becca said...

glad you made it through and how scary for you. keeping you in my prayers hugs

ellen abbott said...

those kinds of scares and tests I can do without.

mybizzykitchen.com said...

My husband had that dilaudid when he had his knee replacement surgery - he loved it!

Glad Pool Dad is home, and glad that you surprised yourself on all that you were able to do!

Jeannie said...

Scary ordeal! Sorry, I missed the post saying what happened and had to go back. I was pretty alarmed but relieved to find out it was kidney stones. Not that they are a treat but at least treatable and less dangerous than a heart attack.

It must be invigorating to find you have hidden reserves but honey, rest yourself well so you don't end up down for days and days - now that the drama is sort of over.

And smack the kids upside the head for messing up the kitchen! They should be put on kitchen duty - cooking and cleaning - for eternity.

I have found blogging to be a great outlet too. I no longer yap Gary's ear off. Not that he ever listened anyway.

Linda in New Mexico said...

I hope PoolDad is resting comfortably now. I hope the stone passes quickly. Joe had that years ago and later said that getting shot had not been as painful. It is an awfully scary situation to see your man in that much pain. Sorry that it freaked you out so much but you have to look at the hidden blessing....yeah I know shut up Linda...see, you can if you have to. Now pace yourself and be as good to you as you are being to Pooldad. I hope the Skippy household is better soon...THe Olde Bagg, Linda

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

I remember a very dear friend telling me that I had to take care of myself too or I wouldn't be any good to Ron... Sound familiar? Love ya - remember your advice to me and slow down, rest when he does, take some time for yourself and you'll both feel better. You don't want to crash and burn and then worry that he's going to try and do something foolish, like get out of bed or something. {grin}

I was going to call you but didn't want to wake you if you were sleeping.

Get some rest today. Love ya.

Jumble Mash said...

Sorry for your worries, hun! He sure is lucky to have you around! Thinking of you!

colenic said...

Hugs to you....adrenaline is an amazing thing...I am glad that you have been able to do for him the way you want to. Make sure to pace yourself a bit though...I am sure one of his fears is not being to help you....hard to do..I know...
YOu know my email if you want to talk...hugs and love to you!!

sapphireblue said...

Ramble on! I love reading your posts. I hope Pooldad is better soon!

hed said...

Yep-I'm on the same page as Barb, Michaela, Odie, etc...please take care of yourself! Pooldad will be fine, you can't afford to mess up your routines or your energy.

That's not to say you're a great person for putting someone else's needs above your own-we just want to make sure that YOU are taking care of yourself!

Much love, hed

TinaM said...

I'm glad you are feeling good, and you should be proud of yourself!
But I agree with the others... Don't over due it! You don't want Pooldad to get better just to have to take care of you because you got worse...
He will be ok, make sure to take care of you too!

lyndylou said...

Oh my god, it sounds like you are having a pretty hard time of it! The most important thing is to take time out for you otherwise you will make yourself ill and not be able to look after pooldad.

I just came to your blog through Southamsdarling, I hope to stay awhile :)

Amy said...

So sorry that you have to deal with all this stress. I am sure pooldad will be one the mend soon. Make sure you take care of yourself - even though you are taking care of pooldad.

I think Barb said it best...when he is sleeping, you sleep. A dirty kitchen can wait! ('til the girls get home)

Sally said...

I can't not even imagine how anxious you must have been feeling. Before we were married (or even engaged), my now husband had to have surgery for his Achillies tendon...I was a mess... I'm glad you were able to do the things that you felt like you needed to do, too. Like the others have said, just remember to take care of yourself, too :-)

Yum Yucky said...

Awww. This is like the "Adrenaline of True Love" (yeah, I just made that up and it's cool).

You're an awesome wife. I'm taking notes over here!