And I get to talk about myself. [Narcissism at it's finest] Which I consider a double bonus. I don't have to use up too many of my friends' [
I am kidding. Sort of - because I don't have the opportunities that a lot of you do. Anymore. So sharing with you is a good outlet..
Bear with me please....I need to talk.
What I am trying to get around to is I thought I was scared in April of 2010. Nope, not even close. Yesterday scared me more than I have ever been in my life. The sight of my husband in pain, looking faint made me realize, um...things I didn't want to think about. I held it together for the kids and Pooldad - but it took an extreme amount of effort I didn't even think I had.
I have done a lot in my life where I had to put up a good front and behave appropriately. I am not too good at that. Restraint isn't in my wheelhouse but, after being with Pooldad for so long I have
I did that yesterday. I surprised myself.
What was funny - all the aches, pains, breathing problems disappeared [or I ignored them] as I attempted to get to my husband at the hospital. The cab companies were starting to piss me off after a bit - I mean, how hard is it to get a cab in a suburb 45 minutes from Washington DC. C'mon. It wasn't until my sister called [for our nightly chat] and found out what was going on that I snapped. At her. I was at a breaking point of frustration, because I couldn't find a damn cab. She told me to shut up, calm down and work it out. She actually offered to go online in SC and find a cab in our town and send them my way. I declined...but...
Gotta' love the woman. I did what she said. And got the stupid cab. [Love you LA!]
I know I am rambling [told you] but I am exhausted. From lack of sleep, worry and work. I didn't think I had it in me but I discovered I actually am not the cripple I have thought that I was in the past year. If I have to do it, and in this case I do, I can do what ever I want. I drove today for the first time since 2009. Scared the hell out of me, but hey! Virginia! my license is still valid. I didn't go far - just up the street to get P/D's meds and supplies for the weekend. I cleaned the kitchen 3 times [don't ask, but the kids are in so much trouble over that] and made dinner.
Want to take bets on how many times I went up and down the stairs today to check on my husband - if you hit double digits you would be in the ballpark.
I am on adrenaline, I know that. I am going to crash and burn very soon - but while it lasts I will take it and hope for the best.
He needs me, as I realized last night, just like I need him.
I love you Pooldad.