Who knew vacation could be this stressful. Add in Lupus and Oh Joy. Jeesh.
I have to make lists. Lots o' lists. Lists I am usually good at, but don't want to bother with now and oh, hell. What to do? Am I going to remember the cutting board? Better yet - bug spray? Shampoo? Tent stakes? Is my tent going to blow away? Chairs? Do we have 4? Where the heck is the tablecloth? Do we need the tablecloth? Oh yeah...seagull poop...needed. Uh...how many pots? Where is the metal filter for the coffee pot? What meals are we eating at the campground and eating out? Where DO we eat out? Does lunch meat keep in a watery cooler?
Questions, questions, questions and lists, lists, lists.
I have a confession. You have to understand that since my diagnosis in January 2008 I have pretty much imprisoned myself in our home. I can count on two hands how many times I have been out of the house in 20 months. If you read through my archives you will see...it seems more than it is but it really isn't much. I have developed an irrational fear of my disease and the public and now it is manifesting itself in my inability to plan, work, do ANYTHING for this vacation. Well, except order really cool stuff online for it!
Now I am whining. How nice. Which comes to the "winging it" part ....
How dangerous do y'all think it is if I just wing this trip? I mean how bad can it be if I forget the camp stove? Right? Or the sleeping bags? It can't be that bad in NC at this time of year, correct? So we don't have the broom to get the sand out of the tent, so what? Can't I cook everything on the Coleman mini grill? No? Pajamas? Can't we sleep in bathing suits? No? Who are y'all the fashion police and food patrol? [That is inner monologue Tadpoles/my split personality, no offense] Don't question my choices. Because? I am winging it. I think. [Nice commitment Skippy!] Well, I can admit to one thing -the coffee is already in the van. It has been in the van for a week because, dude, you do not want to wake up to a non -caffeinated Eldest. Ever.
As for the "bringing it" - I think I can manage two tents, four beds, two lanterns, a cooler, 3 of my family members [bonus! 'specially since the big guy drives ;)] and uh...chairs with flip flops? The rest of shit better pack itself. I don't want to deal with dishes, pots, knives, fishing poles, towels, sheets, lanterns, food, drinks, ice, ziploc bags, spices, reservation papers or anything.
In addition? I don't want to have an hour tutorial with my neighbors on the intricacies of how to take care of a 110 lb lap dog with a bladder/shedding problem and a 25 lb Hitler youth. These poor people. There isn't enough cash or gift cards that are going to make up for how much pain they are in for next week. Ha. I will be adopting Doohicky before this trip is over.
I swear I am not a control freak - but I can't escape the feeling if I don't oversee the last tent stake we are going to arrive in NC without ...I don't know. Wallene? I can see this happening.
This vacation can just...well... bite my behind. It may be the last one I take and I think that is the onus that is bearing on me, but I am tired and it hasn't even started.