Thursday, January 24, 2013

What Could Be Better?

Seems all it takes to get a little action around here is write a blog post.

Yep, Tadpoles. It may be cold, but it SNOWED! ::grin::

It wasn't even forecast and it really isn't the snow I had been hoping for, but. . .beggars [whiners?] can't be choosers and we have about an inch of the fluffy stuff.

And y'all know what that means, right?  They might cancel school and if they cancel school, they cancel Pooldad's workday and everyone gets to stay home with me and PLAY! WooHOOO! ::BIGGER GRIN::

To celebrate [at 4 in the morning, no less], I am propped up in bed, munching on a big bowl of old fashioned popcorn. Butter and all. Made in a pan, on the stove, with ::gasp!:: oil. No microwave or air popper for Skippy tonight. No siree - I am doing it up right. Nice tall glass of Coca cola and this girlie is all set.

I have written quite a few posts, but they were all too depressing, even for me. I decided the heck with them and shelved them. The family can read them later and instead I will put on my happy face and get through the next few weeks.

In a nutshell, and so no one worries, I cannot get an appointment with my rheumatologist until February 6th.  In the meantime my other doctor, who works in tandem with the rheumatologist, cannot prescribe me anymore meds to deal with my pain.  Do you know why? You're going to love this.  I have a diagnosed condition [three actually] that warrant the kind of meds I am allowed to take to relieve the pain.  One of my conditions limits exactly what kind of pain meds I can take because some of them will cause even more damage to my body, so I am limited to two. My doctor is unwilling to prescribe anymore because he said the insurance company would know and he does not want to get in trouble for prescribing controlled substances to me.  Even if we were to pay out of pocket, the insurance company will still know because they insure me and have full access to all my records.  Eventhough when my doctor prescribes a two month supply of these meds it takes me almost 3 and 1/2 months before I need refills because some days are better than others and I am able to live with a tolerable amount of pain. I use them only when absolutely necessary, instead of taking them on a schedule just in case the pain is more severe. Still my doctor is afraid that the insurance company will flag him for prescribing the meds.  As I said, eventhough I have a textbook condition, with other underlying conditions, that warrant these particular meds.

I don't understand what these doctors expect me to do.  I used to think I had a high threshold for pain, but when the pain is so severe that I can't walk without stooping, nor can I grip a hairbrush or coffee mug [literally I cannot close my hands to make a fist] and I am unable to get back up the stairs once I go down, I end up staying in bed. For days. And for goodsakes DO NOT TOUCH ME. I can't stand to be touched because a simple back pat hurts. Forget a hug or a kiss. The best thing I can hope to accomplish is using the bathroom and sitting up to eat, if I feel like it. [Gawd, that sounds so pathetic. ick. sorry.]

I don't want to go back there. I don't want to be trapped in bed. AGAIN. I don't want to miss out on everything that is going on one flight down or outside. Or at school. Or church. I want to walk my dog and drive my car.  Why is that too much to ask?

But, that is what I face. And considering the last two appointments I have had with the rheumatologist and the inability to settle on other meds that work to relieve my pain [and hopefully slow down the damage being done to my joints and tissue] without side effects that are worse than the pain, I don't have much hope of this ever ending. [How's that for an incredibly long run on sentence and misuse - or lack - of commas? ::wink::]

Who lives like this? Honestly - and I am going to close this post down in a sec', but I want to know - why is my choice between trying to cope with crippling pain or meds that have very real, life threatening side effects? Bring on the weight gain or the weight loss, the acne and nausea [to mention a few of the mild side effects] I can handle those, but am I really supposed to choose a pain free life and hope I don't go blind or die? REALLY?  When is cancer an acceptable side effect for anything ?

I am overjoyed that I have insurance. I thank God everyday for the blessing, but what good is an insurance company that threatens a doctor for doing his job?  I realize there are unscrupulous doctors out there that will prescribe these types of medications for addicts looking for a fix, taking a fee to write a prescription for a bogus illness. I just don't understand why those of us that have had every test available, including x-rays and MRIs, and have been diagnosed by several doctors, suffer for the few? Why does every step [shuffle] forward I take, feel like I am being thrown back two?

I am not ready to give up, but I am pretty damn tired of the fight and trying to keep a smile on my face through it all.  Then I start to think I am a failure because look! Look how good I do have it.

But is all the good I have really worth having if I can't enjoy having it?

The answer is yes, of course. Do you know why? Because I have to believe that being here, even in pain, is better than not being here at all.

And that's all the news that's fit to type. heehee

I will see you on the flipside Tadpoles.
Everyone take care. Hugs!

14 comments:

Lyndylou said...

That is so DAMN unfair! No one should have to live in pain. Surely if you understand the risks but are still willing to take the meds sensibly then that should be YOUR choice not some person behind a desk at an insurance company!

This is crazy! And I know that when you are up against it, you have to pick your battles because you have so little energy but this just doesn't make sense.

Hang in there hun, don't let the idiots grind you down (((hugs)))

Jean said...

I don't understand the doctor wussing out. The insurance company are not doctors. How could they regulate how much of something you need? Is there any way for you to speak to them directly to find out what the deal is? Because it sounds more like they simply don't want to pay and threaten the doctor to get their way. Perhaps he has over prescribed in the past and has been flagged so he's cautious. Still, you should not be left to suffer. Is there such a thing as a medical ombudsman who could fight for you?

Tracy said...

You made popcorn with butter and oil? At 4 in the morning? Probably no salt though. You know how I feel about all the other stuff.

ellen abbott said...

This is my big complaint about insurance companies. They seem to think they know better than the doctor what a patient needs or does not need. Did they got o medical school? NO! All they are concerned with is profit. And your doctor is no doctor if he is putting himself before his patient especially if all the tests have been done and he can prove his intent, if he has prescribed them to you before. So what if the insurance company knows he prescribed those drugs? What can they do? Arrest him? Maybe, once you get your new refill, you should send for the next refill after the appropriate amount of days whether you have used them all up or not. That way, when it happens again, and if the doctor is being a weenie about it now, he will again, you will have a back up reserve to fill in.

CWMartin said...

I'd love to comment on this, but I can't, because I'm not in that position. My nest is empty, I'm not sure what road I would take. And I sure wish it was a world where nobody, including you, had to weigh it.

Unfortunately, it is a fallen world, and this does happen. I think maybe it was you because you certainly have more grace in handling it than I would. Cold comfort, I know.

Insurance companies? They were bad before, they're bad now, they'll be bad in the future. Nature of the beast. In a world where the only real insurance is Christ, that's to be expected. Sure would be nice if they saw the human side of things once in a while, though.

Julie said...

The system is pants.
No - it's poopy peed stinky pants and you shouldn't have to just grin and bear.

Do you know of a pain clinic you could get to and ask for advice? Sorry if ypu have done this already - just thinking out loud

life in the mom lane said...

Sounds like you need a dr with a set of balls... just sayin.... that's a load of crap!
Sorry to hear what you are going through my friend.. this sux.... :(

Juli said...

I can't talk about the medical stuff. It might involve a flight down and breaking some knee caps.

But the popcorn... YUMMMY! Haven't had it that way in a LONG time. My did used to pop it just right on the stove for us every so often. :)

The Writer said...

Um you are amazing. I have no idea how we found each other in this cyber world but you are a fighter, and i like it. Give that cancer hell and keep writing - we all need your kick in the pants.

Jill said...

Insurance issues are just ugly and I'm sorry you are suffering unnecessarily because of that stuff. The world is definitely a better place because of you. Keep up the good fight. Personally, I think the popcorn is a great idea.

Tony Van Helsing said...

It all comes down to money, doesn't it? Frigging accountants run everything and people like yourself have to deal with the consequences.

mybizzykitchen.com said...

I know about the pain medications all too well Skip. My husband has an artificial heart valve, and the one miracle drug that helped with his arthritis now shows it conflicts with the meds he takes for his heart valve, and they just stopped prescribing it. So unfair - it's painful to watch him be in pain.

You know I am sending you HUGE hugs!

Old Mama said...

I can certainly understand your doctor's position. The insurance companies have them by the balls. Those rotten SOBs do not pretend to know more than the doctors, they are simply interested in the bottom line and could give a crap less about you or anyone else. Things are only going to get worse. I only hope there is a special place in hell for those greedy, blood-sucking @#%&!!

SapphireBlue said...

Uggghghhh!! I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this stuff. It's good to have insurance, but then it's like, "Why am I paying out the arse for insurance, and still paying out of pocket out the arse!!" Then, the insurance decides your treatment.