Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happy New Year Tadpoles

How's it going?

Just wanted to write a post to let you all know I am thinking of you, everyday in fact, and to answer all the inquiries to the question "Are you dead yet?" giggle

Nope - still here.  Which is a good thing depending on the day. :)  Other times I wonder what's the point?  Today is one of those days.

I am struggling with the whys of all of this.  The illnesses, the pain, the limitations, new and varying everyday [Say those last four words in an announcer like voice. Sounds like a commercial for "Limitations" ::grin::.] I AM incredibly grateful to be here. I have said it before in previous posts - and I AM. But I would be less than human if I didn't want to give up on some days.  Sometimes a person's capacity to tolerate less than normal in their everyday life [for lack of a better phrase] grows thin.  Mine is paper[thin].  I know Pooldad is tired of it too.  He is as powerless as I am to control any of this. And isn't that what we do as people?  Try and control our lives in some fashion?

I am sure I am not making much sense - but for once I can't blame meds since I haven't taken any today. heehee  I could have feasibly posted once a day for the past month - it was Christmas after all - but to what point would I finally stop pretending that it is all hunky dory? That the waiting and the loom of doctors and hospitals and the pain overshadow every minute of every day of my life?

Another thing I have said is I didn't start this blog to have it be a journal of my [bad] health. I simple wanted to keep track of our lives for my family. much has changed since I started blogging 7 years ago [8? - wow. It's been a long time since "So you have a swimming pool, and?" days, isn't it?] but I still don't feel like I want this blog to be about my health.

But if I don't talk about my life, including the ups and downs of my physical self, then it makes me a liar.  Or at least a big fibber - and I'm not those things.

I think the problem stems from my desire to be strong.  To keep a positive outlook - my need to actually beat this.  When I have that attitude it makes blogging, heck it makes LIFE easy. But [again, another but] even the strongest, most upbeat person in the world has their day[s]. And I am far from that strong a person.

So my "days" are becoming more frequent and uglier and I certainly don't want to blog about that. Not only do I not want my family to relive it in the future [ahhhh, permanency of blogging] it doesn't make for a very good read ::grin:: and you guys worry entirely too much.

I will leave you with a picture my lovely husband made us pose for.  He was even nice enough to dress us.
Too bad we lost the game. Sigh.

Take care Tadpoles.  Remember to smile LOUD! Life is a gift.
We'll see ya' on flipside. ::wink::


sapphireblue said...

I certainly hope everything goes much better this year. Big Hugs!!

ellen abbott said...

Oh Skippy I am so glad you checked in cause I do worry when you are so silent. I wish better health and easier days for you. It's hard to be strong all the time.

Carolyn said...

Hoping for a better year for you and everyone!
Oh, and is it just me, or does the pooch have a robo-dog look going on there?

SkippyMom said...

Funny Carolyn and you're right. She HATES the camera, so I think that is her "don't shoot me" look too.


colenic said...

I am hoping for a miracle for you...everyday.
Your outlook is amazing...and I know that you try to be upbeat..but it is okay to sometimes not be okay. Sometimes, you just need to give into it all....that's a tough thing to do...for all of us control freaks :) (said with the utmost respect and love I hope you know). Wishing all of you a very happy and HEALTHY new year. Hugs!!

Anonymous said...

You are a strong person to handle all you do and still be positive. Happy New Year!

Juli said...

Let's talk about soap. :)

EM Illustrator said...

Happy New Year my Friend! Hope 2013 will be a great year for you!!
big hugs to you xx

Knitty said...

By no means do I pretend to know what you are feeling or facing, but I do understand the desire to be positive despite the negatives invading your feelings and thoughts. I can't think of anything to add that wouldn't be a tired platitude so I will just say that I hope you know I wish you the best.

Mystic Mud said...

I think that as time goes on our life focus changes, and so it only makes sense that the focus of your blog would change. We all just want to hear from you, and from your heart. I know what you mean about not wanting to leave negative words for your family to read - that is exactly why I burned all of my childhood journals before we moved to the mountaintop. I was finally old enough that I started to worry about when I was gone and the kids coming across them - they already know about my childhood, but that didn't mean that I wanted them to relive the pain in that kind of detail. You just do what feels right to you, and say what you need to say. I wish so many good things for you, Skippy, but most of all I wish you peace.

Jill said...

I will pray for God's blessings on you in 2013, whatever they may be, my friend. It's good to hear from you again, and I appreciate your honesty.

Jean said...

You look so beautiful in that picture! Thanks for updating. I wish you were better. Here's hoping more good days return.

Love you!

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Happy New Year, kiddo. Even people who don't have a blooming thing in this world to complain about have "those days", so it's only natural that you, one of the most upbeat persons in the world who DOES have real issues worth railing about, should have them, too. You don't have to pretend with us, but I know what you mean about wanting to be strong. May this year be a better one for you. That picture is beautiful. 12:34

life in the mom lane said...

You know they say that God only gives you as much as you can handle... so that tells me that you must be one of the strongest people I know. You're probably wishing that the "big guy" wouldn't have as much faith in you huh?!
I cannot pretend to know how you feel, or know what you're going through, but I can offer my love and support.
Know that we tadpoles) all love you & want to hear from you even if you ARE having a shitty day- it's ok to let us know.
A day at a time my friend... a day at a time!
Great pic... I'm rooting for the Broncos myself- love Peyton Manning!
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way for 2013!!! DM#1

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...


Sorry you're going through so much. I know words like "sorry" are not nearly enough but my thoughts and prayers are with you ever day.

Anonymous said...

It's your blog and you can write whatever you want about - I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you better! Thank you so much for the long email - I will respond to it this weekend - it made me realize that I have the gift of being healthy, and no amount of money or stuff could replace that - thank you for making me look at what's going right in my life.


Lyndylou said...

I too have the problem of trying not to dwell on that part of my life "that sucks" as like you, I don't want my blog to be all about the crap days! But to be honest, that is the reality and trying to pretty it up helps those who read your blog but not you :( Thinking of you and hoping that 2013 is just a little bit easier for you. (((hugs)))

Yum Yucky said...

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but the most-est things I wanna say right now, is that you're yours truly. xoxo

(Thank you for the awesome-awesome card. I'm keeping it forever, of course.)