Saturday, June 22, 2013

Don't Poke The Skippy

I am getting a bit fed up.  Really. . .
For the Tadpole across the pond.
I get the Moonface sweetheart.
And this. . .it's too beautiful not to, eh?

But I will get back to the title in a moment.  Let me just say my beloved read the last post and didn't realize how frustrating it has been for me out here in the hinterlands, and as he always does. . .he fixed it.

He fixes everything ::swoon::

No, really, he does. Oh, c'mon. You guys know he does.

I will have internet, as it is allowed.  He knows how much I love you all, as he and the kids love you, but he didn't see how hard I was hiding it, not having you guys here. With me.

I don't need email, or the interwebs to do daily business [try it. . .believe me, you can do it] but not knowing what and where and how y'all are doing was tearing me up.

I kind of lost the Skippyshit yesterday when I realized, rushing around, that I couldn't get to y'all on 15 bucks. 4 hours and I couldn't leave more than 4 comments. I couldn't.

F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.I.NG.

Steven sees everything, knows all, when it comes to me, except what I  try to downplay.

And downplay I did. OH heck, it's the least I can do.
He has almost a five hour round trip commute, and has to work too.  Plus?

He walks in the door everynight wondering whether or not I am going to be lying on the floor, dead.

So, yeah. I downplayed the internet, blog, Skippy thing. I do what I can, where I can.

I just felt that the whole blogging thing was a little lesser entity then what was going on here in the pond.

Then he saw me, yesterday, when I broke down over the usage and what I couldn't get done in regards to all my Tadpoles.

I read one entry after another and saw how y'all are going through life and how hard you are having a time.  I can't go into specifics - but you read the comments I could leave. I hope.  As connecting as this whole inter-world is, it is so disconcerting.  I can't get to you. Even on 15 bucks.

My gosh, Tadpoles.

Y'all have been so, so,  so generous, gracious and giving to me, Steven and the kids.  I can't even begin to describe what you have given us.

Then I realize I have done nothing but whine for the last four years.  I am truly worn out - but a lot of you have hung in here.  Paddling along with me.

I am awestruck that I have any friends here, sometimes, considering.
I think you all feel like I do.
Either succumb to the doctors terminal progress toe tag or get better.

Drop dead Janine or get better.

Let the other shoe drop and then bury it.

There, I said it. 

I wish it was that simple. I do.  I want an end result as much as Steven and the kids.  We want an answer. Of course no one wants me to die, but the waiting, the wondering and the ups, downs and sideways - suck.

I looked at Wallene this morning as I was filling my pill case and I realized after adding the newest round of chemotherapy pills that are supposed to put me in remission, that I had no more room in the "AM" slot. 
I mentioned as much out loud. 
She knows.
This doesn't make me a bad Mom for sharing with her, because really - who lies to Wallene?
Not me. And you better not either. 
She knows.

As only Wallene can do she looked at me and said "Mom, I think you need a bigger boat."

::giggle::

Now, you have to know my youngest and her favorite all time movie. 
Many of you know.
It is "JAWS". 
Okay, if you know the movie - you get the reference.
PERFECT.
I laughed so hard I seized. And then I laid down for an hour.
This child.  This child.  Makes me live.
As do you.


In the lilypads, pussywillows and swamp that is this life - my husband buys me time.
My daughters add the pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters to the meter.

I am a rich women.

I feel like I spend my life explaining that I write this blog for Steven, the girls and the older kids.  Then I get an extra special smile  on my face, realizing I was blessed with y'all - the bank where I get to deposit all of these riches.
To you.

I write "I Make Soap" so they won't forget.  And now our family of seven has grown to over 100.
We love everyone of you, and miss you terribly.

Each of you is unique, special and I have never left a comment or email that wasn't heartfelt. I applaud you, kiss you smoochily, and worry when it isn't the way you want.  I cry, and my heart breaks, when you are in pain and loss.

I wonder how y'all do what you do.
How you survive.
And how. . .you put one foot in front of the other. And. . .

why. . . you keep coming around here.

Even I get weary of my health and my whining.  I am the one  ON this rollercoaster. You guys have a ticket and just choose to watch.  You are along for the ride, and catch me when I fall - but why?

I don't really need an explanation. It would narcissistic on my part, and I am not that. 

I don't lie.
I don't cheat.
I don't steal.

I live the most honest life I can, here in Virginia, our real life. 
I also put it forth on this blog. 
If I don't provide specific details to our situation or my health - well, then tough sh&*.
It isn't my job to be specific to the interwebs. My family will read this and know, in the future, what I was referring to, as they are here watching this mess.

As a Tadpole. . . 
If you want to stop watching the roller coaster that is my life - so be it.  But don't question me, don't compare Steven's and my situation to your own.  You don't know. And it certainly isn't yours when it comes to us having to move.  That was a unique situation dealing with us having a deadline that we honored to make it easier on another party. 
We didn't leave anyone holding the bag for monies or a mortgage.
Leave it be.  Don't write, call or write about this.  I am done.

And can I say one more thing? 
Heck, my blog, my rules.

 I have an incredible amount of respect for the medical profession. I have to.  They are doing something to keep me here so far, but. . .I only know nurses through this blog.  I have never had a doctor comment. And although I do respect all nurses opinions, and feel they get a shorter shift by doctors, please don't judge me on what I choose or don't  choose to do with my health.  I am the most proactive person dealing with this, with the help of my husband.  Considering the list of what is wrong with me, and what we are told by several different doctors, and trying to balance this medication with that and that one with this one - just get off of what you think you know. And leave me alone. You don't have specifics, for a reason. It's none of your business. And you don't know much of anything.

Nursing school, especially you not having a BSN, is not helping me, or anyone else, when you criticize.

Okay, did we get the "Don't poke Skippy" part of this? Goody.

I would love to apologize Tadpoles, but I can't.  I am me. And I do the best I can. 

My blog, why should I?  Change the channel.  I don't care.  I know who my friends are.  And what is important to me.

It's all I need.

I will stay happy, content and accepting. It doesn't mean I have to be constantly brought into your world of drama.  [Speaking of the ones "Poking" Skippy]

I saw a picture the other day - it said "I am not tall enough to ride your emotional roller coaster." [credit: Juli/Surving Boys Blog] And I thought that was perfect to describe you.  Can't you leave me alone now?  STOP poking me.  It's old. And I hate it.

I have enough not to deal with this anymore.  Do you get it now, like you didn't a year ago?  Goody.

See ya' on the flipside Tadpoles.  And don't poke me. It physically hurts. It's tiresome and it's just plain old rude.

xo Janine [SkippyMom]








24 comments:

Carolyn said...

Well, since I don't really know why the move, nor exactly the situation behind your ailments, I won't comment or be critical (as most people should also refrain from doing) about things I am ignorant about. That being said, I still like to read about your (mis)adventures or ramblings. If I didn't, I'd just change the channel! Anyways, it's so nice to know that you've got your wonderful husband there to do all those wonderful things for you, even if you muffle your cries about them.
Well, that's my mindless rambling for the morning. Got to go outside to do barn chores before it gets Africa Hot outside and I get swampass!

Shelly said...

(((Janine)))

Praying for you, hon. Even though your heart is working overtime to get well, it is one of the sturdiest, most loving hearts I know.

CWMartin said...

Check yer e-mail for my comment- delete this if you like.

ellen abbott said...

whiney is not a word I would use to describe you. You are a shining beacon with a heart so big it can't possibly fit in your little chest. if I have ever been guilty of poking you then I apologize profusely. all good wishes go out to you.

Yart said...

Love You Skippy!!! Big Hugs!!!

Jill Thomas said...

I love reading your blog and I love learning about you and your family and your life. Why? Because I like who you are and the way you think and live. And that's enough for me. I would never ever want to comment to you in any way that would hurt you, and I hope I never have. Please just keep livin and lovin the way you do.

Gypsy said...

I really don't know what to say, but I wish I could just hold your hand. So consider me stretching my hand across the miles to yours.

Sous Gal said...

Did you move FURTHER away from me?? DAMN. That commute time blows. While hinterlands have their bonuses, there are many minuses to it in terms of access to services. I'm STILL trying to learn to smell the pine trees and appreciate nature :)

But reading your blog, knowing you and your amazing family, I realize you already have everything without stepping outside :)

Juli said...

I love that picture... found it on Pinterest! :) And seriously, you have to go back and read my "It's Not really about the chickens" post. The pics aren't as good as Wallene's but they will make you smile. Promise.

Or you could just click on yesterday's post and see what a wise a$$ kid I have.

Your choice.

So glad he fixed it. Visit. Visit often... I'll make GF cookies and whatever else "free" so you can eat them. :)

Redhead said...

Skippy Mom! I haven't been reading my blogs for a while now, so I can't give you a concise, well written, well reasoned comment; shucks, I can't do that even when I am up to date. But here's one big shout-out for you and for your family, that you have a great summer and that everything health-wise is A-OK too. Hang in there.

Lots of hugs coming your way from West Virginia.
Redhead aka Marilyn

Mystic Mud said...

I read and I think so many thoughts, all good, of course, but by the end of it all I could think is "God, I love you, skippy". And I do. And I wish you well. And your beautiful man. And your beautiful kids. I so admire you.....I really, really do.

And that man of yours, what a sweetie. He is a keeper, but I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know.

So, I didn't email back because I figured you would never get to see it, so I was going to call you, but now here you are. But really, I was looking forward to calling you, so I think your hero of a man providing Internet or not.....I should call :) did you see that I am on bed rest now? That just opens up a whole new world of sitting around with extra time on my hands, well, sorta, in theory anyway......LOL!!!!

Seriously, I love you. And you know, people,shouldn't judge....on anything. I'm pretty sure that's not even ONE of the reasons that you,blog.....sign. Ignor the misplaced commas....all there on accident and I'm to lazy to go,fix it....lol :)

colenic said...

Sending you a million hugs and all the love that I can muster....and please give steve a hug....and wallene too...and just know that I am on this rollercoaster ride with you...til the end (or you kick me off) I hope it lasts for a lot longer...mwwahh..kisses and hugs from Maine!!

colenic said...

by the way....I love the picture of you....hugs!

Tessa said...

Janine, I have only one thing to say and that is "I love you so much". You have been my rock through my cancer ordeal, without your encouragement, I might have given up. Thank you my friend.

Eva Ason said...

Sending lots of big hugs to you my friend...I believe in being there for each other, that's what friends do, right? I truly appreciate your honesty and straight forward ness...I loved reading your words, well written. You're so blessed having a, wonderful family around you!!
Be strong and hang in there...warm hugs xx

thisisme said...

Hi my friend. I always seem to be coming along at the tail end of things lately, but at least I'm here, I guess!! Like Col, I'm with you on this rollercoaster ride, and I hope you don't mind if I hang around, for what I hope will be a long time yet. Loved the comment that Wallene made, about you needing a bigger boat!! You just have to laugh, don't you, when things like that come along. I'm sorry if people have been poking you. That's not very clever and absolutely no use to anyone! I always feel so helpless that I can't do anything physically to help you. Just keep sending up those prayers to the Lord above, that he will get you through this and give you the strength to deal with it. Chin up sweetheart. We're all here for you, we really are! Big (((Hugs))) x

thisisme said...

That was meant to read that I keep sending up those prayers! Also, forgot to say that I loved the photo of you at the beginning of this post :)

Tony Van Helsing said...

We keep coming back because we care and you are always uplifting.

Jean said...

Now THAT was more than 15 bucks worth!

I'm picking up my machete and going after whoever is criticizing the way you are handling your life. Better back off bitches! One size does not fit all.

I'm so glad you will be getting internet. I don't know how you've gone so long without it. I know people survived for tens of thousands of years without it but you can't miss what you never had.

(((((hugs)))))

mybizzykitchen.com said...

Hey Skippy! I love you. Your honesty, your bravery though all the medical bullshit you've had to put up with, the love your family gives you so that you choose to open your eyes every morning and face that you have to face.

It's your blog - say whatever the fuck you want - and for the record, I would never poke you! :D

Hugs!

Yum Yucky said...

I want to hug you. No offense, but not necessarily because I think you need a hug. The hug is actually for me. I love you, Momma. I want to hug you because I love you. (yes, now my eyes have tears)

SapphireBlue said...

Love ya girlie! I look forward to your blog postings. I won't stop reading good, bad, or ugly. To infinity and beyond. Big hugs!

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Okay, so who would DARE to poke our Skippy? Nuh-uh. No way, no how. Can't anybody get away with doing that. Not to our girl.

As you can tell from all the comments, we all love you. It's that simple. How can we love someone we've never met in person? If that person is you, it's very easy. Your personality shines through every word you write. We agonize with you for every hardship you have to face, and rejoice with you over every success. You fight the good fight, hang onto humor, and never take the people you love and support you for granted. You're better than a storybook heroine, kiddo. You're real. And you're one of us. 12:34

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick said...

Whenever I read someone kicking internet ass like you did here, my first thought is: "Is she talking about me?" God, I hope not. I've been absent, but I would never criticize anything that you do. Hang in there, love.