Last week while walking the aisles of Walmart I felt my pants start to slip. I was wearing a woven belt so I stopped to tighten it a few holes over. I hoped that would keep them up. Skippy luck being what it is, it took approximately three aisles [and a stretch to grab a glass serving dish] before I felt my pants fall completely down to my ankles. They were still buttoned, with the
Walmart, it appears, does not believe that 98 lb, size 2/3 women exist because in the misses/women's section everything began in the 7/8 range. This wasn't a matter of being sold out or low stock. Everything started in medium sizes and went up. Off to juniors we went. There we found the sizes did exist but the selection was sparse and every single pair of jeans had something shiny, sparkly, attached or hanging off the posterior area. I was desperate, but not that desperate. It is hard enough to have to go down to such a small size, but I refuse to look as though I am having a mid life identity crisis while simply trying to cover my legs. Feeling a bit deflated, we went home and I put on my pajamas. Again.
A week later we decided to go to Kohl's and see if they would have anything. Not even bothering to look in the misses/women's section we headed straight for juniors'. I was relived to find they had a huge selection, including Levi's, in size 3. Woohoo! The rhinestones were few. It was looking promising.
Until I tried on the 3s and discovered they were too big. How in the world is that even possible? I started to tear up a bit. Bless Pooldad's heart he noticed the impending meltdown. He whipped out of the changing room and was back with 1s, in the same brands and designs, in no time at all. The man could put many women to shame with his shopping skills I'm telling you. :D I put the 1s on and they fit perfectly, but that was when the waterworks truly started. I thought I looked ridiculous, when I should've been thankful he had found me pants that fit. Looking in the mirror I couldn't imagine the jean clad stick figure looking back was me. Nary a curve or a rounded edge to be seen. In fact, all I saw were hard edges and sharp angles. I took them off and told Pooldad that I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to spend the money on something that I felt so ugly wearing. He was silent, understanding. Without argument, he took the jeans and returned them to the shelf.
We went upstairs to find him a new pair of tennis shoes and while trying of a few pair Pooldad quietly commented to me that it was important that I had clothes that fit. He assured me that one day I would gain weight and just think of the nice donation of the size 1s to our local clothing bank we could make. He knows me too well and didn't push or demand, just gently prodded me until I stopped feeling sorry for myself and realized he was right.
We went back to the jeans and grabbed a couple of pairs to purchase. Since this style is cut quite different from what I am used to [think low, low rise - and btw, what exactly happened to zippers? Three teeth do not a zipper make.] Pooldad suggested we splurge and pick up some cute tops and tanks to go with them. I was worn out by the little shopping we had done so I asked him pick out what he liked. He has great taste for me, knows what he likes and what colors look good on me. Out of his choices I bought two sweaters [Stop laughing - you know me and my great sweater collection! Besides these are light weight, crocheted type shruggy sweaters of which I had none. :D] a nice, light weight sweatshirt and three shelf tanks. When the outfits are put together I almost feel like myself again. Score another one for my husband. Love you honey!
The best part tho' were the reactions of my kids. When we went to pick up Squirrel from the bus depot the first thing she said [even before "Hi!"] was "Wow Mom! You look fantastic!" Dad hadn't had time to give her a head's up about my worries, so I believe she was being genuine. It made me feel great. The next morning Pooldad and I went to pick up the Porcupine from his parents' home. She was shocked! First to see me knowing I wanted to put on more weight before I saw her grandparents, but more so because she couldn't believe I looked "stylish" and "hot". Squee! [The poor kid thinks my wardrobe consists of pajamas and bathrobes.] He father just looked at her and said "No, you may not borrow any of it." giggle Even my beloved Mother In Law, who has spent the past 17 years cajoling me to eat more, said I looked wonderful. It was all more than good enough for me. :D
A bonus gift came the next day when my daughter went shopping with her boyfriend. She came home with only one purchase - for me! She said she thought they were perfect and exactly what I was looking for in jeans. They are! Plain, dark blue, straight leg, size 1 jeans. For $17!! Squirrel and JCPennys for the win! Woot!
There ARE so many things in my life to be thankful for, I do realize that. I am still not free of my health issues, but I am doing so much better than I was and it IS a gift that I am here. I am coming to the realization that this just may be my new weight. I am trying to accept it, but as I said to Pooldad "Wouldn't it just suck having survived everything I was to die from being underweight?" And yes, we did laugh. heehee
For what it is worth, I am eating. Constantly and a lot. I just think with all the exercise and running around I have been doing I am burning off any extra calories I consume. It's all good tho' - the family is spoiled and eating really well, while Spotty is very trim and fit with all her walks.
I found a wonderful recipe for carrot cake so I am off to grate some carrots. YUM! Hope y'all have a great Tuesday and thanks so much for listening. :)