Wednesday, February 11, 2015

It's My Biannual "I'm Not Dead Yet" Post

::waving furiously::

Just being goofy!

If you are on FB or talk to me via email - most of you know I'm still alive and kicking - but not everyone does that, and I truly understand - but thought I better get something up here and let you all know I am thinking of you. 'Cause I am Tadpoles - I most certainly am.

It has been an exhausting last couple of months.  Steven is at the end of his tether with all of the woes associated with my health and the cost of it all. Meanwhile, I am plain old worn out from being sick.

I am so tired of being sick - and having it define every step I take every moment of every day. I am weary of talking about it. I am nauseous looking at our bills from it and lay awake nights knowing come March 30 our health insurance rates go up, and a new round of deductibles kicks in, so we start over again.

If it wasn't for the generosity of a very loving Tadpole, Bizzy -  we would have had no hope of a Christmas for Evelyn, nor would I have had my most valuable and expensive medication these past few months.  What is so surprising about it all is I have no idea how Bizzy knew we were in such dire straits, but these surprise packages would show up randomly in the mail [snowmen included! :) ] just when I thought all hope was lost.  She is truly an answer to all the prayers I say at night. Thank you Bizzy - I truly have no words for the extension you have given us.

Speaking of special packages in the mail. My sweetheart of a friend and Tadpole, Mare, went on vacation for 3 weeks to Key West Florida. Not only did I receive  daily updates via email of her consumption of Key Lime Pie [all time favorite] but she sent me the coolest care package from FL - including a pamphlet on manatees and a t-shirt that I had to hide from Evelyn. giggle Thank you Mare - truly brightened my dreary days.

So - now....here comes the hard part of this post.   Steven and I have come to a very difficult decision, knowing we have to keep all the insurance we have and be able to afford my medications.

We have to move. Again.  We already left Sterling, VA two years ago because we couldn't afford the cost of living after our landlords needed their house back and we couldn't find another one in the same range.  So we moved 100 miles from Steven's work just to be able to afford a place to live, not realizing 6 months after we moved in our insurance rates would double and then our deductibles for doctors' visits, medications and hospitalizations would go beyond the stratosphere.

We can't afford both this house and my [sketch] health.  Sometimes I look at Steven and say "Sorry I didn't die already. This wouldn't be a problem and you could keep the house."  I cry as I write that because it does sound pathetic, but I understand what I am costing my family. And it crushes me, because I know, I DO KNOW, that they would rather have me here than gone. But what good is being here for them if we can't keep a roof over our heads.

We could handily afford this home when we moved in, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten it. We have 0 - yes ZERO credit card debt. We pay for our home, the utilities [electric, water, house phone and internet] one car payment [Oscar] and car insurance.  We don't go on vacations. We don't buy clothes or presents or go out to eat - ever. This is the first year since I had kids that they didn't [in this case, just Evelyn] get new school clothes for school. I just don't understand why, except that the insurance and pharmaceutical companies are greedy bastards and we are suddenly lower middle class because of it.

Please don't misunderstand - I am, I truly AM grateful for all that I have, but I don't get this. How can my husband have worked so hard for 4 decades, be 4 years from retirement and by the time we get there he won't have anything to retire on?

I have searched high and low for a place to cut our housing expense, but keep Steven close to his work. We can forget the "close to work" part of this equation. It simply can't be done. Nothing within less than a hundred mile radius is cheaper than the home we live in now.  And we have agreed with Emily graduating and Evie going off to college we we would downsize to a 2 bedroom, 1 bath if we could find something that cut our costs and we could get closer to work.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!  I have been looking for over 6 months, and the bottom line is - you are just gong to love this - the closest I can get Steven to work and cut our payments on housing down is to move him and me to Harrisonburg, VA. Why is this so funny to me? It is the town where Emily's college is located.  The town where we have been visiting her for 5 years. Nice town. BUT? We have found a few condos that would suit our needs [of size and cost] but it is 115 miles from my husband's work.

I am sure some of you are questioning why Steven doesn't simply find new employment. First, he has been in this business for almost 40 years. It is a specialized industry and to be able to afford health insurance, he needs to work where the $$ is - meaning where the pools are. There are not a whole lot of expensive, in ground pools in central Virginia.  Second, as I mentioned, he is 59 years old [in July] and in his industry he is quite well known and could find a job BUT it would be in the same geographic location of the one he has now [remember, nice expensive pools that people pay a lot of money to have others play pool cleaner].  We did talk about him branching out and trying to find a job in management in another field, since he has been in the office managing for 30 years, but no one wants to hire a 59 year old man, regardless of his experience especially if he hasn't worked in their industry.

See the problem here?  And if it sounds as though I am whining, so be it - I'm not. It's just the explanation of the reality of our life right now.

I am a fortunate woman in that I have the love and support of my Tadpoles and my family. In addition I have my faith - these things sustain me. More than anyone realizes I think, because somedays I fall asleep, despite the pain and hope that it's the last time I close my eyes.  I know what I have, I do sweet friends - but it's getting so hard to sustain it while we ponder a future we never realized we were going to have.

Thanks for listening - I have lots of new recipes and tidbits to share, but this is foremost in my mind. So this is whatcha' get. ::wink::  I am Skippy - I will always be Skippy - and the 'ol me shall return. Soon. I am sure of it.

Thank you again. We'll see ya' on the flipside froglets and don't forget to smile loudly. Life is truly a gift.

14 comments:

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Hey, sweetie. I'm sorry things are so excrutiatingly challenging for you guys these days, and I wish I had something to say that'd make it all better. But I don't. They say God never gives us burdens heavier than we can bear, but sometimes, it's tempting to tell Him we're not as strong as He thinks we are. But you are strong, kiddo. Stronger than most of the rest of us put together.

I put something in the mail for you on Monday. I hope it puts a smile on your face.

Take care. 12:34

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Oh, Skippy, I am so sorry. I understand the health insurance bit so much! I am in the same spot as I wait for my new "affordable" health care to kick in. Sometimes I think we would be better off if we were indigent. Even with the insurance we are still paying out of pocket for our RX. Have you tried contacting the drug companies on your more expensive meds to ask for help? They can only say no and nothing changes, but maybe you will qualify for some assistance.

At first we were too proud to ask for help, having always worked for what we have, but I am so far beyond that now. I am exhibiting the same symptoms as my dad and my nurse practitioner keeps urging me to get all the testing done. Just waiting for the insurance to kick in.

I feel like you do, it is a shame that my husband has worked so hard all his life and have so little to show for it now. I am thankful that all my kids are on their own and doing well.

Biz said...

I just realized I never called you back on Sunday! You know, I could always do a Go Fund Me again - you know I would be happy to do it!

I wish I could do more for you - so sorry you have to move again :(

Hugs and Love!

Jason and Michelle said...

I am so sorry Skippy.
The pharmaceutical companies are horrible. They make me so angry what they charge for medications.
If I ever find that money tree that could be buried in my yard, I'll send it to you!

CWMartin said...

I feel- as much as I can- your frustration and sadness. All I can say is, every day is a testimony to how much that man loves you. I am so sorry you have to move. It's hard enough with two healthy, working people to make it today. I have prayed for you everyday... and I want to apologize to Stephen for not doing the same for him. Rest assured, that will change. (not that I wasn't for your family in general, but sometimes a person forgets the ripple effects, and how hard it can be to be the one holding the circus tent up. Hugs to you all.

SapphireBlue said...

I work in healthcare, and I can tell you these RX companies are greedy. They use all the money to wine and dine the doctors. There is no control on RX drug companies. Really pisses me off.

Take care my friend.

1st Man said...

I'm a bad tadpole, I haven't checked in like I should. It sucks that you are going through this, but you know, in the end you all have each other and no matter where you are living or what you are doing, that's all that matters.

I can't wait to hear the new recipes!

Sending warm and loving thoughts your direction!

Julie said...

Skippy,it is an age since i have been on and i am truly sorry about all the hassles you have been through. It makes me appreciate our nhs even more. I would hate to have to juggle all the hassle.
Glad you have got a new place - it'll be a home soon!!
And those friends who look out for you - they are a certain kind of special

ellen abbott said...

It's a travesty that this country, supposedly the richest country in the world, does not have universal health care like every other first world modern country on this earth. It makes me sick how much greed there is here and total lack of concern for anyone who has less than (universal) you do. not only just lack of concern but are actively trying to get rid of the helpful programs we have. even the generics have shot up in price, my thyroid med increased by over 50% for no reason besides because they can. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better for you.

by the way, have you looked into canadadrugs.com. it's possible that you can get your meds for less through them. I used to buy my cholesterol drug from them and got it a lot cheaper. I quit taking it though for other reasons.

Jean said...

Hey Girlie - checking in for the first time in ages and sorry to learn that things have not become any easier. There's so much f'n money in your country - a little could go toward helping the honest hard working regular good people. I'm waiting to see the "foster parents" ads to show middle income families like yours who need medical help - doctors without borders should maybe get on that. I am managing my neck ok these days but something systemic may be going on now. Fun fun fun. It's damn cold here. Took Dex to the flats yesterday for the first time in ages to find the place packed because it was the first "nice" day in ages at a balmy 10 F instead of -20. And we're back to the bitter cold today.

Steven Nicolle said...

Stay positive and my thoughts are with you and Steven. It's not easy but you both will get through it. You have each other and that is the main thing.

Redhead said...

Skippy,
I've been lurking on your blog for a while, but I feel compelled to note drop. I know now of your travails, and I wish for a painfree resolution to ease your problems. I too am following the aftermath of my illness, and it leaves little energy left to do even the simplest of jobs Doctor check tomorrow, hopefully no more drugs.
I'm not one who prays, but I am sending lots of {{{hugs}}} your ways. Hang in there.

Richard Phillips said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sabrina Craig said...

I’m sorry to hear about your troubles regarding healthcare and insurance, and that you had to move out because of it. These things could be quite frustrating at times, and it can seem like everything is starting to fall apart. Despite all the commotion you’re going through, it’s great that you manage to keep a positive outlook in life, and that you have your family and friends to support you all the way. Don’t lose hope!


Sabrina Craig @ Medical Attorney NY