Sunday, October 20, 2013

I Am Not Going to Make Soap Anymore

I really don't like when Bloggers leave the blogasphere with declarations of "I have to go, can't do this anymore" or "Oh, so woe is me - the blog has to end, no one is reading" or the best?   "I can't blog anymore because the inspiration isn't there"  type of stuff...and then? 

They come back anyway.

Don't you?

Repeated disclaimer [raise your hand if you have heard this before. . . I see ALL of you raising them! hee ]- I have always written this blog for my family.

Here's the deal - there will be no blah, blah, blah stuff, bull or anything else tied to this post.  The simple fact is - I am not feeling all that well and I don't want to go through another round of "Oh, so woe is me". I am tired of being vague regarding my health for you, my beloved Tadpoles, in order to update the family on what they know the reality is.  I don't need to keep a record of our everyday for them anymore.

And you certainly don't need to live it.

[8:15 pm] I just told Steven that I was giving the blog up and he said "No you aren't."  And I said "Yes. Yes. I am going to give it up."  He was upset. Very upset, as you are his friends, as much as you are mine, but he understood that it has been so long in coming. Then he spent 10 minutes arguing with me [brave Man] over letting this go.  He finally realized that although you Tadpoles, our friends, are so important to us that I am truly weary.  I can't . . .I just can't . . .

We are still loving our new home on Red Hill. It's a gift actually, but I find I don't need to blog about our daily life to keep my family up on our doings as I once did, because. . . .well. . .the sum total of them are here and living it.  We have our smiles, laughs and love.  Our ups and downs . . .but my capacity and energy to be anywhere other than with my husband, Steven, and my children is too much.

Considering what y'all have given me in the past years, it does sound selfish to give this up, doesn't it?

So selfish. I hate that. It isn't me.

[Go ahead, curse my name. I deserve it. No worries....]

I will apologize for not staying around your blogs for you, the way you always have for me.

I swear the old adage "It's not you, it's me" holds true.  It IS me.

I wish I could hold you up and be there for you. Everyday.

I hope you see I tried to be your friend, your supporter - someone you could count on and I do hope you felt that. 

I admire you all . . .and I have no words [or I have too many words?] to tell each of you how much I admire you in this post.

I will say this. . .and it applies to y'all, and you know who you are.  . .

When I cheered you on, I meant every word of it. 

When I said "Hugs and kisses" I felt it. My arms were around you and my lips were on your cheek.

Mostly?. . . When I wrote that I loved you [or typed an XO] I held you dear in my heart and in my prayers.

The courage I saw? 
Your strength I filled myself with? 
YOUR LOVE I wrapped us in? 
They sustained me and my entire family.

Your comments will run forever to remind us that there are GREAT people in this world.

They are Tadpoles.

I wish I could I could write a paragraph, hell...a novel...encompassing how much I love y'all. And how much you mean to me - I receive so many inquiries when I "disappear" - and I am grateful for them, but grow weary, not because of you, but for your worry from the beautiful people that are you.

I don't want you to worry. I don't want to ask you for anything.

I just want you to all go on and be the happiest, most loving women and men, the best friends you can be to those in your real life.

That's the point.

Go forward and share what you give to me in your typed written word and heartfelt, readable hugs.  .


For me.  Tell your friends "Skippy sent me."

It is what I wish someone would do for me.

I love you all. So much. You will never know.

I gotta' go Tadpoles.

We'll see ya' on flipside.


I love you, Janine